Scope for the Imagination

The year of 2006 is now dead, settled into his grave, as the New Year now takes over reign. But, as is my nature, I could hardly let him go without a eulogy.

( Highlights, month by month (with pictures! Lots and lots and lots of pictures) )

The New Year started much as the last one faded away... with going to working and being at the hospital. Cardiology wards--promises to be even more fun and stress.

A Happy New Year to all of my friends. I am so eternally grateful that you have decided to share your lives with me. With your friendship, your love and support, I am enriched and blessed.

*hugs*

ETA: Don't ask me why some of the pictures are different sizes. I didn't do it! And if you're reading this and are one of the featured, and don't want to be, let me know. I'm sure I can dig up lots of monkeys and baboons to use instead. (j/k).

It's official.

I am Dr. Julia D---, Julia D, M.D. I even have the diploma to prove it.

I'll write more later and tell the stories. Right now, I'm way too tired to even think in full sentences.

But wow. I can't believe that it's happened.

The paper, my friends, is finished. It wasn't a pretty paper--I rambled too much towards the end to get it to the page requirements, but at this point, I don't care. It's done and that's what's important.

This means that I have successfully just completed medical school. I wish I had a functioning brain cell left to celebrate.

They're charging me a $100 freaking dollars for my stupid yearbook. One Hundred Dollars!

I just spent over $100 dollars today on getting announcements!!! $65 dollars for my oh-so-beautiful gown and cap. And now this.

From an email, back in December "Finally, in order to decrease the final cost of the yearbook, we are selling ad space." Um, folks, THIS AIN"T A DECREASED PRICE!!! I've done yearbooks before, the entire gamut. I've sat in darkened little rooms and mixed chemicals. I've sat underneath basketball rims to get the perfect shot. I've cropped and chopped and played with layouts until I was seeing square shapes in my dream. And I've gone out and begged for money to put in ads. All I know, is that it didn't cost us this much for my entire high school, which was approximately the same size as my med school class.

ARGH!


****
On a side note. I did start watching the Gilmore Girls finale, but left for dinner with some friends. Anybody want to tell me what happens in the last 10-15 minutes? I think the last I saw was when Rory surprised Logan with the London party. I'm not sure that I really care, more for just idle curiousity.


***
Instead of working on my paper today (yes, I'm very very bad), I went through and updated/completed all of my tagging on my past entries. There's still some cleanup that I need to do, entries that are still missing labels and I need to figure out someway to override the "tag" page (http://jcd1013.livejournal.com/tag) to make it more readable, but I haven't figured out to do that. Hmm. I do feel somewhat accomplished though. Sorting through emails, now arranging LJ entries--go me!

I have therapy and a doctor's appointment check tomorrow. I have to get them to sign a clean bill of health for residency. I should have done this a month ago, but oh well.


***
Word of the Day: assuage: to make less intense or severe, to pacify, to satisfy. Use it well, my friends, use it well.

Julia out.

I don't think there's a male creature on this earth right now that I don't loathe.

Even claidheamhmor is not entirely exempt because the tea he and melancthe sent me hasn't come yet. Okay, since he did send me the tea, which is a very nice and wonderful gesture, he's excused from my wrath. :) (*hugs Claymore* Sorry for the generalization!) But the mailman ain't.

I'm tired. I'm tired of writing papers. I'm tired of getting blamed whenever something goes wrong. I'm tired of cold silences and angry sighs. I'm tired of lousy PC laptops that make me always look like the moron who breaks things and worse, delete most of what I've written. I'm tired of feeling like an idiot. I'm tired of feeling like I'm the week-old leftovers.

He's just making me mad. I had forgotten how much we tend to grate on each other when we're working day after day after day. Most of the time, it's great--we do work well together, we do, and I would be royally screwed at this point without his help. But then there are other times... And I'm such a passive person in arguments that I can't voice my explanations/disagreements and I just end up seething. I'm just torn right now--torn because in some way I need a break, we need a break, and yet... This is it. In two weeks, he's gone. I don't worry about losing my other friends, mostly because I know that the ties of the Plethora have stayed strong over 9 years and they just aren't breaking. But I worry about him. I've never understood exactly why he was my friend to begin with, even after three years, I still wonder. And I can't get over this fear that I'm going to leave for residency, he's going to breath a big sigh of relief and that's going to be it.

I'm freaking out about my surgery this week. I have no idea if I've made the right decision and have been so busy that I haven't had a chance to analyze it. I don't know if it's just going to make things worse, if I should just suck it up and deal with the pain, or if it really is as I felt earlier that it was something that needed to happen now before I got into residency.

I have to get back to my paper. It's going to be yet another all nighter. *cries*

(Warning, this is like the boringest update in the world. Seriously, you'd be better off if you go look at the articles about Jessica Simpson becoming a Baywatch babe. Really. Because that's entertainment!)


Life is good. I don't think I've written that in a while. Makes a nice change. :)

I've been really busy. As I said, the boring kind of busy, but it's been nice. I finished my genetics rotation (did I even mention that I was doing a genetics rotation), which was really enjoyable. At one time, that was the career that I was thinking about, becoming a pediatric geneticist. And while it was fun, it was nice discovering that that wasn't the career for me. Good thing--that would not have been a nice discovery to make right before I started my residency in a completely different field.

The past two weeks I've been working on my "PCP", my last paper/research project that I have to do to graduate. I've changed my project three times, but this last one I've been really excited about, and there's a chance that I'll get published with it (the biggest motivator to get a student to do something--lure them with promise of seeing their name in an obscure journal). The best part is that I'm actually working with Chris on it--it was a project that one of his public health professors had suggested that he do and when I was complaining that all of my ideas were fizzling into nothing, he was good enough to let me join in. It's been a blast working with him again--it's like we're back in second year, the good old times. We work really well together, always have, and things between us are finally, finally getting back to normal. We're talking about everything and laughing and, well, having my friend back makes me very happy. We had tea today, at my favorite tea shop, and worked on our papers--and when we get bored, switched and worked on each others. :) It was a great afternoon, until he got a ticket on his car, but otherwise, I couldn't have asked for a better way to spend a snowy afternoon.

It's still hard to grasp that I'm graduating in six weeks. Six weeks. It really hasn't hit me, mostly because I've been in this "go go go" mode and just seem to be going from one short-term goal to the next. This week, it's finishing this questionnaire, writing a proposal so that it'll be approved for administration. Next week is starting of classes again (ugh. All day long too), learning wilderness survival (hmm, maybe that was the class that I needed to take before my safaris!) and personal doctor's appointments. The next week is more certification for residency.

And then comes the weeks that I've been dreading. I think I'm going to have to have surgery before the end of this month. I've been pushing it off, but my shoulder has been giving me problems and I don't think it will last through all five years of residency. I hate this, the fact that I have spent virutally every bit of vacation since starting college having surgery, but I'd rather not face the alternative. One day, one day, the surgeries will be over and I can quit collecting scars like postal stamps. That would be nice.

Ellie and I have started on our Letter Game! I'm so excited. I got the task of writing the first letter, and therefore creating the characters and the world that our game would take place in. Of course, I had to pick a time that I know next to nothing about--the Celtic world, around 500-600 CE. So if anybody out there happens to be an expert, let me know. :) Google can only tell me so much.

It snowed here. About a foot up in the foothills, 5-6 inches in the valley. I knew it was going to happen. My beautiful magnolia blossoms had just opened and looked so pretty and pink--which was a sure sign that a freeze was coming. It's happened every year, every year. The poor things just don't do well in this climate. I love spring storms though, they're probably my favorites. The snow is wet, with huge flakes and love the contrasts of colors and white. It's not quite as cold and one can hold on to the promise of warmth much easier than in the dead of February.

I think I've pretty much decided to hold off buying a house until after I move and get settled in Milwaukee a little. I don't know the area very well (i.e. at all), and I want to not feel rushed in my decision on the house--it's a huge commitment and I want to be happy with my place. Plus, with surgery, I won't be able to drive for several weeks and that makes house-hunting difficult. So, I'm looking for an apartment instead, one with a month-to-month lease, and after a few months, I'll make the decision then.

I'm sitting here watching them award Steve Martin win the 2005 Mark Twain prize. It's actually pretty humerous. I can't say that I've really considered myself a huge Steve Martin fan, but I gotta hand it to the guy--thirty years in the business and he's still going strong.

I've rambled long enough and probably should get to bed. :) Night all.

I didn't do a "last day of the year" or "year in review" post like I had intended. But then I haven't sent out my Christmas cards yet, and I still plan on doing that. Maybe for Human Rights Day or Valentine's Day (if you want a Christmas card for a random holiday, drop me an email at jcd1013@yahoo.com and I'll send one to you...eventually). BTW, while I'm actually remembering AND sitting in front of my computer, thanks so much for all of the cards, guys! They really brightened up my dreary mailbox.

My New Year's was really nice and mellow. It was down-pouring here all night, which dampened any desire for revelry. Instead, I went over to Liz's with other friends and we all drank hot chocolate and cider, watched X-Men, and put puzzles together. A pair of our friends has this Renoir painting that is one of the most challenging puzzles I've ever done. After 3 hours of work, we maybe had put together 50 pieces. But it shall not conquer!

I've started teaching this week. Yep, you read right! I'm teaching 1st year medical students how to do a physical exam and conduct a patient interview. I love it. One of the first things that I had decided, long before choosing a specialty, was that I wanted to stay in academics and have the chance to teach medical students. It's rather awe-inspiring to teach my 6 first years and realized that that was me, just three years ago. I often feel like I know nothing now; especially after 9 draining hours of examinations--but I've learned an incredible amount in medical school. I know for example, the exact format of the interview (chief complaint, history of present illness, past medical history, medications, allergies, family history, social history, review of systems), without even trying. I know what questions to ask to understand recent headaches, diarrhea, diabetes, etc. I know where to place my stethoscope and what I'm listening for. You don't want me to be your doctor, but it's a process and I'm not as standstill as I thought.

Maybe there is a chance that someday, I will be a real doctor. :)

I submit my Match list sometime in the next 7 days for residency, which has me completely worried and stressed out. Have I told you all about The Match (to be said in a voice of foreboding doom) yet? Basically, this is how my future place of residence and my job is determined. I've interviewed at all of the various schools, and now, I decide which schools I would want to go to. I submit a list (paper, because neurology seems completely clueless about technology), with my choices ranked. The schools submit their list, with all of the people that they would want as residents ranked and wherever the highest choice matches, that's where I go. On January 26th, I will know where I will be spending the next 5 years of my life. Four tiny weeks away. I'm trying not to think about it.

In the meantime, I have to sort through all of my conflicting feelings and old and mushy impressions of the different schools to figure out my preferences. It's a lot of pressure and I'm feeling very torn. I'm freaking out about moving away. By myself. From all of my family and friends that I've been with for nine years. To a place that, because of my busy schedule, will be lonely. I'm comfortable here (which is probably the number one reason I should go), and it's been hard to completely convince myself to uproot myself, especially when my school here was willing to create my special combination program just for me because they loved me so much.

Well, my school just made that part of the decision easier. I got an email last week--after excited emailing everybody after I got back how Indiana was willing to share copies of the paperwork that they had submitted to create their program--with the overall message of "Julia, we don't think we can get the paperwork done in time. Please look elsewhere." It crushed me and really put me in a despondent mood, which I think I'm only now started to get myself out of. I'm not a very confident person on a good day and having your one "foolproof-you're-at-least-getting-in-there" school back out damaged my already blue spirits.

So now, I'm back to square one and seven days to make up my mind. I'll be posting some of my impressions, strengths, weaknesses of the places that I visited over the next couple of days (hopefully with pictures!), to help me sort out the confusion. If you'd rather not read my ramblings on this, let me know, and I'll make them private. I suppose it's more for my benefit, but my travel journals were rather sparse on details, so if you do want to know... It's up to you.

Ack! It's almost 2 and I need to be up early so I can go be a school marm again! What am I doing!!!

***P.S. Thanks again to everybody for their words of compassion and support last week. Knowing that you are all here for me transformed my spirits. I do know that I will never be alone when I have such good friends out there who are thinking about me.

Well, my personal statement is finished. Mostly. I'm stuck (of course) on the last unifying sentence. I've emailed those who volunteered before to read/edit it, but if anybody out there in friendland has some time tonight/early tomorrow and would be willing to look over it/correct grammar mistakes/give ideas on how to conclude without sounding like I'm repeating myself, please comment with your email address and I'll send it on. Believe me, I'll love you forever. If you need my first born as compensation--consider it yours.

Now all I have to do is transfer my CV to the application, get my photo taken, and track down the letter of application that the Student Affairs office lost (yes, you read that right--they lost ANOTHER letter. I'm so pissed I'm seeing red. Every day, I find more of the incompetence to amaze me), and bug letter writer #3 to finish his by midafternoon and I'll be set. I think.

The best part? This is only one of the two applications that I have to do. I really wish I hadn't gotten so far behind, but there wasn't much that I could do (then or now). *sigh* Maybe by this weekend, I'll have my life again.

Still hating the applications. Only more.

I've been really hoping that I'd be able to mail them off on Thursday, with overnight delivery, so that they'd be received by Friday. Well. I've only got one letter (that I know of because the Student Affairs office is run by a bunch of moronic idiots (and that's not redundant, because believe me, they deserve every adjective of the sort I can provide) and the person who's SOLE job for the entire year is to open up the little envelopes and put them in files and email us when we've received a letter ... is gone on vacation. That's right. And apparently, there's not a single other person in the 20 people employed who can do it either. So they just pile up, and up. Did I tell you that they lost my letter last week? Yeah. So feeling the love).... Anyway, I'm waiting for the other two. I apparently have to get a new picture to send in. And the essay is still only 300 words, when it should be closer to 900 by this time. I've got ideas, and I really like the first 300 words, but... I work best under stress, right?

*sigh*

I started a new rotation today, my "sub-intership" in internal medicine where I basically function as an intern, only my resident has to cosign everything I do. It's already kicking my butt-- I am so over my head. In three months, I've forgotten everything--and I'm expected to know a lot more by this point too. It took me six hours (yes, you read that right) to see one patient, write up his history and physical (H&P), discuss it with the chief resident (whom I stunned with my absolutely lac of EKG reading skills), write up the admit orders, cross out and add to my assessment/plan, discuss with the attending physician, make more orders, find resident so he can sign orders, dictate H&P, remember that I had forgotten most important order of all, add on order, talk to patient again about his home medication, add on that order, find resident again to sign orders, and finally, sign out patient to the cross-covering intern. Six hours. So much for my early afternoon that I had counted on.

My resident does happen to be one of my absolute favorite residents in the entire world--seriously, I nominated him for teaching awards because he was fantastic and half the reason that I'm thinking crazy thoughts about doing two residencies. I am crazy. Out of my freaking mind. I really hope that the end of these four weeks doesn't change his opinion about me.

On a funny note... claidheamhmor, I had a dream about you. Or actually you and your wife, whom the only picture I've seen is her little user picture that she uses when she responds to you. I dreamed that you and your family were coming to the United States to move here, but your wife was coming early to scoop out the places that you wanted to visit. So I took her to see the Grand Canyon and a little cabin on the side of the cliffs that she decided that she wanted to live in. But it was flood season and she was worried that your picture was going to get wet. So the rest of the dream, I spent coming up with ideas to keep that pic dry and move it from one location to another--going all over the country, in fact. Weird, yes, I know. I don't think that Freud would even know what to make of my dreams. I think this is the first time that I've dreamt of my lj friends!

I've just screwed up my entire life plans.

Go me!

I give up, I just give up.