jcd1013: (Default)
jcd1013 ([personal profile] jcd1013) wrote2009-08-25 10:34 pm

where i've been

Friday night, I sat vigil at two of my patients' bedsides, as their sick-but-stable status turned into sick sick sick. I poured fluids into their veins and started them on medications to attempt to keep their blood pressures high. I worried and fretted and worried some more. I kept them alive that night, but by morning, they were even sicker. I cried that morning even before rounds with the attending, not having slept, but knowing that I should have done something more. Hindsight, that perfect microscope, tells me that I should have placed arterial lines and expanded antibiotic coverage. I should have intubated one of them sooner. Maybe it would have made a difference. But things weren't so clear at three in the morning and even 5 days later, it's still not entirely clear.

They're both dying right now. I'll probably end up declaring their deaths tomorrow on call.

It's been a hard month, in varying shades of good and bad. It's been a busy month, a month that hasn't left a lot of time for recollection and organization of thoughts. I'll hopefully be back to regular posting come September.

[identity profile] sevvy-o.livejournal.com 2009-08-26 03:36 am (UTC)(link)
*hugs* I'm sorry. =(

[identity profile] eponine119.livejournal.com 2009-08-26 04:01 am (UTC)(link)
That must be so hard. Thank you for the work you do.

[identity profile] satismagic.livejournal.com 2009-08-26 08:40 am (UTC)(link)
*hugs*
claidheamhmor: (Default)

[personal profile] claidheamhmor 2009-08-26 09:18 am (UTC)(link)
{{{hugs}}} You care so much...
wendelah1: (Default)

[personal profile] wendelah1 2009-08-26 02:00 pm (UTC)(link)
I'm sorry you are having such a tough month.

[identity profile] bjorks-defender.livejournal.com 2009-08-27 03:13 am (UTC)(link)
<3