Wow, once again, long no update from me. Tsk tsk.
And even though it's almost a month later.... thank you, thank you, thank you for all of your notes of congratulations about my boards. It's been such an exhaustingly busy month that I only just realized that I never told you how much your words meant to me. You all had much more faith in my abilities and it was soul-enriching to have that faith confirmed. So *BIG HUGS* I love you all, I really do. Reading about your life and struggles and inspiration has made us friends... And there's so much in my life, that II keep thinking of to share with you, and of course, I run out of time and don't get to it, but please know how much you mean to me.
I just finished my rotation today, took the written final (contrary to my happy post eons ago, I still unfortunately have tests. Blah.) Yesterday, I had the practical and oral exam portion--which I thought that I blew. I knew the disease that they were quizzing me about, inside and out, but I never even mentioned the major (and only) treatment for the disease! I could have killed myself... But when I got my evaluation back today, the doctors didn't even seem to notice! If I did well on the written (which, as always could have gone either way), I may have gotten honors. Honors! *shakes head in disbelief*
My evaluations from all of my residents basically said the same thing: I need to work on the confidence thing and take initiative... It sounds so simple, but it's much harder to implement. I know it's one of my weaknesses, but it's hard to wipe away a lifetime of feeling insignificant, a part of the grey background.
Can you believe that it's been six weeks already? The time (for the most part) flew by. The last part, the Gyn rotation was difficult. While I enjoyed the cases that I got to see and the patients that I followed on the floor (if they were admitted), it was physically hard on my body to the point that I could barely move at the end of a day. I knew that I hadn't healed as well as I had hoped from my last surgery a year ago. I've had three surgeries on my right shoulder and each time it's taken longer to get back function... I've got full range of motion but my strength is dismal, as I discovered when trying to hold back retractors for the surgeons for minutes and hours at end. And now, I'm starting to "feel" my other shoulder. The last CT scan showed that I had a tumor under the scapula on that side, and if I have to have surgery again, I don't know what I'll do. Yes, I survived Gyn, but I've also got 8 weeks of surgery coming up in a month and a half, where it will be the same thing--only longer and harder. I'm scared that I won't be able to do it--that that will be my limit and the stressing factor that sends me into the spiral of more surgeries...
Enough of that. It won't do any good worrying about it. And I've fretted and worried enough already. No, I really am doing good. I loved my rotation so much that it's really lit the passion again for all of this... Medicine is truly what I love, I'm in the right spot, and somehow I'll make it through everything.
I was asked twice on rotations if I was pregnant. Yeah. Those were great days. I'd love to blame it on the scrubs--they fit everybody ill, but... So, now I gotta add weight loss to my to-do list. *sigh* :)
It was Chris's birthday on Monday. His girlfriend threw him a surprise birthday party last Friday--I was in charge of transporting him to the condo... Much amusement, especially when I had him put a towel over his head so he wouldn't guess where we were going. The looks we got from other drivers had me in hysterical fits. It was fun. Met some of his old high school friends, which I always hate doing. I never feel more stupid than trying to make small talk with people. All of his buddies are these athletic, super smart, witty people... Seeing them, I still have no idea how Chris and I became friends... No, you think that it's just my self-esteem issues coming out again, but really? We have so little in common sometimes, I can't see how we got from point A to B.
Anyway, for his birthday, I made him a collage of some of his pictures from his travels and friends (trying to get on his computer and sneakily download his pics was a challenge!) and then finally, at the party got some pics of the two of us. We've been friends for over a year, and these are the first pics I've had of him And since I love sharing photos: Chris and Julia
, just click on the images. Some of them look pretty crappy--the flash only worked some of the time and I'm not clever enough with the photo editing programs to get them to look right. I'm the red-head, btw. :) The one of him in Thailand is probably my favorite. It captured him perfectly when he's trying to be charming.
And yep, that's Melissa, his girlfriend of a year and a half now. She introduced me at the party as "Chris's other girlfriend." Melissa and I get along really well, I like her very much and I think she's been fabulous for Chris, but when she says things like that, I'm never quite sure how to take it. Most of the time, she seems to be joking, taking it in stride, and then this trace of acid taints her voice and I wonder...
PS.... I heard through the rumor vines that Becka got a new job!!! Congratulations!!! I'm so excited for you. You need to give me details!