jcd1013: (Everwood - Perfect day)
I decided to make a list. I don't know why.

- Crush news (which right now, is ever so much more interesting than patients and their neuroanatomy): He has a freckle on his right ear lobe, and a faint, thin scar down his right middle finger. His hair curls across his forehead (it's such a good thing that these many many years have trained restraint!) and he's had his beard for as long as he's been a resident here (as evidenced by his name badge) which manages to hide a very small dimple and I can't find adjectives to describe his blue eyes. And he has really bad breath post call. Oh, and he owes me big time for doing his discharge summary for him. Am I wonderful or what?

- I had a wonderful weekend. Saturday night, when I woke up from the post call coma, I went to the symphony with one of the neurosurgery residents. Mahler. My dad used to love Mahler, but until Sat. night, I never understood why. I'm now addicted. Absolutely lovely.

- Sunday I went to watch conference at my bishop's house, which is always a spiritually uplifting time. Pres. Hinckley is still looking amazing for his 95+ years. One of the guys there hugged me and reminded me that it was exactly one year since we had met. I had forgotten. I thought that was sweet.

- It was the first day off that Chris and I have had off together in 2 months, so I drove up to Madison and spent the afternoon and evening with him, fixing his bike, eating Vietnamese food, and digging through all of his music collection. I came home with 300+ new songs and all of his pictures from Ireland and Scotland. Scotland was incredibly gorgeous from his pics... I guess I'd better add that back to the list of Must-Go places.

- Chris broke up with his girlfriend. And didn't tell me until I pressed. Okay, I think I overlooked a big dropped hint earlier in the evening, when we were putting together pictures for a framed collage, but still. *sigh* Anyway, we had a great talk sitting on a park bench overlooking the lake. I told him about the many dating woes of the past two months. He thinks I'm missing clues (I think that no reciprocation and avoidance of conversation afterwards speaks volumes). He's thinking about taking up Match.com dating, which I can't wait to see how that goes. :)

- I'm still really bad at music guessing games. Apparently I need to listen to more Phish and Eagle Eyed Cherry(ies?).

-He beat me on the word games as well. The Word of the Day emails are not helping.

-I'm not on call again until Saturday. !!!

-The Seeker has gotten terrible reviews and didn't do so well at the box office. Maybe that will stop any sequels.

-Still can't figure out exactly what you do on Facebook, but at least it lacks the ads and spam of Myspace. Am trying to collect friends like mad over there. Perhaps I will make a trophy wall with all of my friends. I guess I need to add more photos, or so a little bird told me.

-I'm reading New Moon right now, as I finished Twilight a few weeks ago on call (man, I miss the ICU call). Liked Twilight, although spent a majority of the book irritated at the heroine and her love interest. I'm really looking forward to reading this, after mulling over [livejournal.com profile] valancy_s's recent posts about why we go for vampires.

-Congrats to Michelle and Kelly! Maybe, hopefully, I'll be able to see this little one before he/she's 40 (are you going home for Christmas?)

-I love Matchbox Twenty. This new album is just gorgeous as always.

- You all are watching Friday Night Lights, right? You'd better be. Best show on TV right now. I'm watching it online, so what's your excuse?

-Clinic tomorrow. Only 3 patients. Maybe I'll actually finish on time (and possibly get my notes done, that would be amazing).

itunes love

Sep. 3rd, 2007 11:05 pm
jcd1013: (XF - medical opinion)
My iTunes is in a sappy mood. Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Phantom of the Opera, Vienna Teng, Eva Cassidy, Josh Groban all have rotated on in the last hour. Hmm. I don't know what it's trying to tell me.

All I know is that I've been reading about some of the discussion in reducing resident work hours from 80 hours to 72, and limiting it to 24 hours straight, rather than 30. Half the posts are about how all it does is train physicians to be sloppy and less dedicated and less educated. And that's enough to make me cry. There's a nice post here about Labor Day and resident physicians. England is going to a 48 hour week for its residents. 48 hours. I can't even imagine.

More blogs:
http://fatdoctor.org/2007/09/03/doctors-labor-day/
http://www.hourswatch.org/
http://pandabearmd.com/blog/2007/08/23/in-which-your-uncle-panda-rips-off-the-lid-rolls-it-in-a-tube-and-places-it-politely-where-the-sun-doesnt-shine/

My program is quite good about getting us out within the 30 hours. I usually am out in 29 hours. And I usually only feel exhausted and overworked when I'm on call and unable to claim more than 15 minutes of sleep with my head on the table. Those are the hard nights and it depends on the rotation of how frequent they are. My last two calls have been unbelievably sweet. No new admissions. I went to bed by 11 pm and didn't leave my room until after 6 am. Saturday night, I didn't get a single page all night, until 4:30 am. But I sleep with a light on and I wake up every 20 minutes or so, worried that I am missing something. I still go home in the morning absolutely exhausted.

I worked today. In the hospital by 7:30, didn't finsih until after 3. And it was a holiday, but I didn't get paid extra. I don't get time and half. My paycheck states that I work 46 hours a week, isn't that nice.

*sigh* Sorry for the negativity. I came home from the hospital after spending over an hour trying to get a foley catheter into a man with prostate cancer, with a bad migraine and my smoke detector beeping every 3 minutes because the battery was dying. So I've never gotten rid of the headache. And sometimes, it really depresses me that this is what my life is like and it won't ever get better.

I've got a date tomorrow night. I'm a dating machine, I guess. Either that or a masochist. Different guy, one that I find conversation with to be somewhat stilted and painful, really. But he was the medical student on the neuro wards and my friends were raving about how great he was (which he is a very nice guy) and they all seemed to enjoy talking to him, so I decided to give him another chance.

We're going to a baseball game. I apparently don't learn my lesson. Luckily, it's with about 40 other people, so there will be a chance to engage others, if we decide there's nothing to talk about and the game goes into extra innings.

And I've got clinic tomorrow morning and have to round on my patients before rounds. Oh, and did I mention that it'll be another 14 days before my next day off (16 days total)?

Okay, iTunes is now playing Enrique Inglesis' "Hero". It is definitely time to go to bed.

summerfest

Jul. 6th, 2007 11:59 pm
jcd1013: (GG - Jess reads)
Tonight, I realized that I am not 20 years old anymore and screaming at the top of my lungs, listening to loud music, being pushed and shoved by drunken slobs are not my ideas of fun anymore. (Not that they really ever were).

And that's okay.

Because that was a fun part of my life, but growing is ok too

(Let's see if I'm still saying this when I hit 30 in a year and a half)

But Dashboard Confessional is pretty awesome live and I still love "Vindicated" as much as I did when it represented the dark haired rebel boy who had a thing for paperback novels in his back pocket.

And I think I have filled my lifetime quota of Summerfest.
jcd1013: (Big Fish - Daffodils)
I did not end up getting a permanent account. I was really having a hard time justifying the expense of it and kept putting it off. I did convince myself yesterday that maybe it wasn't that much money, but I was on call and that didn't leave any opportunities to slip away.

I think I probably would have regretted it. I had been counting on the end of the year bonus from work so that I could indulge a bit and discovered that Uncle Sam had taken 40% of it, leaving me with less than what it's going to cost to take get my medicine license, so I can't even afford that, which is much more important in the long run. I'm so tired of money issues, so wearied. I was really hoping that with the very small cost of living raise that some of the money pressures that I've been drowning in for the last six months would ease, but taxes and insurance are going to suck that all away as well.

*sigh*

On a good note, I've completed my last call ever as an intern! Whee! Of course, things really aren't going to be that much different next year. When I'm in the neurology department, I'll be a "junior resident" which is really the exact same thing as an intern (still the low man on the totem pole) and when I'm on my medicine rotations, I'll still have to take call as a senior resident (just not as frequent and I won't have to write daily notes! Yay!).

And I just realized how confusing my life must be to those of you who actually read this thing. And that I've never explained what I'm doing. I have a tendency to assume that people can read my mind, and are really living my life with me (I should have probably outgrown that belief when I was, I don't know 15 months old. I'm a little behind) So allow for a brief detour.

explainin' stuff here )

I'm not exactly sure what I was trying to say before. :) Next time, I think I'll do a "Day in the Life" kinda post if there was any interest in it.

I crashed, as is my usual, post-call. Chris called while I was asleep, to tell me that he had the afternoon and tomorrow off and wanted to come down for the weekend...and I missed the call and didn't wake up until after 8, so that thwarted those plans. :( I'm really disappointed as I don't know when days off will line up again. Plus, I missed my church's BBQ and seeing other friends. I don't know how people with kids do it; I come home post call absolutely wiped out; I can't imagine just taking a tiny nap and then parenting the rest of the day. And I wake up almost nauseated and completely disoriented. Today, once the spinning sensations and nausea passed, I got on the internet to try to download the latest episode of Dr. Who and couldn't figure out why nobody was talking about it... until it hit me that it is actually Friday.

And on a completely unrelated note, iTunes keeps cycling through the LOST soundtrack and I'm kinda getting nostalgic for season 1.
jcd1013: (LOST-serenade by bluesuzanne)
The iTunes Single of the Week is a MUST HAVE.

I first heard Brandi Carlile's "The Story" on Milwaukee Public Radio's "Cafe Tonight" (still the best music on the radio in Milwaukee *sigh*) and I almost swerved my car off the road, I was so intent on finding out who sang this song (it was a dangerous drive that night. First time I heard "Chasing Cars" by Snow Patrol as well). Strong, raw vocals and powerful, yet slightly whimsical lyrics. I bought it on iTunes that night.

Lyrics for The Story )

Go, download now, you!

Temptation

Dec. 9th, 2006 10:06 pm
jcd1013: (Default)
iTunes now carries soundtracks from all of my favorite musicals. I think they've carried them for a while, but luckily I was ignorant to their presence.

Singin' in The Rain. South Pacific. The King and I. Mary Poppins. The Sound of Music. My waller is not appreciative.

I've already given in to the lure of owning Finian's Rainbow which was my favorite as a teenager; I had such a crush on Tommy Steele. That brogue. That twinkling smile. I know, I know Fred Astaire and Petula Clark's accents were atrocious and Keenan Wynn's makeup job as the white Senator turned black is laughable, but oh, it was magical. I've carried fantasies about being wooed under a devil moon since then.

We didn't get cable at my home, because we lived too far out of town, so I watched mostly musicals and old Disney movies from the library growing up. When I was younger, my sisters and I would have contests and sing all of the musicals that we could remember. It made washing the dishes go by faster. I could probably sing you most of "Oklahoma!" from heart even now. There are very few of the "classic" musicals that I have not seen (I don't think I've seen State Fair all the way through), and fewer that I hate. Gigi is probably top of that list. Old men singing about lusting after little girls is too much. As well as The Pajama Game (adore Doris Day. But, ugh that was a painful movie). And I've fallen asleep twice now rewatching Annie, because it's so boring. Boring! The lure from childhood isn't there anymore.

My favorite musical of all time is actually an operetta. Junior year of high school, I had stayed up to work on a paper, and a episode of "Live at Lincoln Center" was playing. They were putting on a performance of The Merry Widow. Within minutes I was hooked (the paper, if I remember right, did not get finished on time because of my latest obsession). I've watched it probably 50 times since then and still love it. I've seen it performed live, but it was a horrid disappointment. Apparently, the Lincoln Center performance was a new translation and interpretation; the version that I saw live was the San Francisco version and it lacked the humor and warmth and the threads of the Merry Widow Waltz throughout. I've never been able to track down a recording of it and I've worn holes in my old VCR copy. Such a shame.
jcd1013: (Everwood-Perfect day Hannah by me)
(Author's Note: Trying something different. Don't know if it'll really convey what I want it to, but this was the way the words were coming to me.)

At just half past 7, the sky has already darkened to black, the street-lamps glowing a hazy yellow. The air has taken on the crisp chill of autumn and I am grateful that I had ignored the calendar and now wear a warm sweater and jacket.

The neon sign above the nondescript building glows white, contrasting black letters. "In concert," it proclaims, "Vienna Teng, Sept 19." The building is one of those relics from the sixties and seventies, when local bands found music clubs to perform in, little more than a bar with a stage at the back of the room. Or at least that is the impression they are trying to create, as I read the history of Shank Hall papered on the walls. The fictitious music club from the documentary "This Is Spinal Tap" brought into existence much as a self-fulfilled prophecy. I've never seen the movie--perhaps if I had, being in the building would have had added more significance to the evening.

The walls are brick, painted red, covered with scrawled graffiti and posters of past musical acts. The guy behind the counter--bald, with a bright red beard--manages not to gape in amazement when I ask nervously if the show is sold out. I am used to disappointment--find out about opportunities the day after the occur, and I still can't believe my good fortune at discovering that she would be performing in my city, a week before she was scheduled to tour. But lady luck is with me tonight (would luck be male in this case?), for there are only a half dozen people scattered across the room.

One of them is a coworker, a nurse whose office I inhabit in the mornings, furiously writing down laboratory results and medication changes. She doesn't remember my name, which since I had to sort through my memories to place her, doesn't bother me. Her companion is a radiologist and we soon fall into comfortable conversation, passing the time, until the lights dim.

I'm sitting at a table, just mere feet from the stage--front row seats. The stage is small, with a keyboard and guitar stand, just two chairs. By now, the room has filled with another twenty people, still far from the three hundred that could fit into the hall. A man who sits next to me grumbles about the idiots of Milwaukee, how the performance in Illinois had sold out in days and states that it is a "disgrace" that the place is so empty. I can't give him a satisfactory answer--personally, I am relishing the intimate setting, the sense that it is almost a private performance.

The opening act is a duo, Ellery, a couple from Ohio. She's on the keyboard; she sings while he plays the guitar as backup. The lyrics are stirring, she has a sweet, ethereal voice, but I strain to understand all of her words. Dictation is not her strong point, but I enjoy the performance. There is something charming about a wife and husband touring and creating music together, and their love for each other is evident. "We've learned to forgive each other quickly" she states wryly. He smiles at her with that remark, and I am caught again in the desire to one day possess that--the shared communication of just a glance. I have gotten used to the idea of being alone, but the extended weekend of being around my best friend and her husband has awaken the realization that I still wanted more, a partner with whom to share my life and more.

The break is short as the team moves the keyboard around on the stage, adding another chair, replacing the guitar rack with a viola and violin. The nurse, her companion and I spend the time discussing the music and the other concerts they have seen; I am relieved to discover that while Milwaukee may have atrocious radio stations, there is a high selection of bands and artists who tour through the city. I resolve to keep my eyes open--perhaps there is the possibility of catching other favorites.

Vienna enters the stage without any fanfare or introduction. She and the other two members of her "band" sit and begin playing and I am instantly immersed. She is unassuming, warm and human on the stage. Her fingers fly across the keyboard, effortlessly. Every song seems to have personal meaning, meaning that even in my multiple listenings I have never discovered before. Her speaking voice is surprisingly deep and husky, in starch comparison to her fragile voice in song that soars in height.

Many of the songs are new; chagrin spreads over me as I realize that the reason she was on tour was because of a new album release. It is not long before the new songs seep into me.

it's the quiet night that breaks me. I cannot stand the sight of this familiar place. it's the quiet night that breaks me, like a dozen papercuts that only I can trace. all my books are lying useless now. all my maps will only show me how to lose my way.

oh call my name. you know my name. and in that sound, everything will change.
tell me it won't always be this hard. I am nothing without you, but I don't know who you are.

it's the crowded room that breaks me: everybody looks so luminous, and strangely young. it's the crowded room that's never heard. no one here can say a word of my native tongue. I can't be among them anymore. I fold myself away before it burns me numb.

oh call my name. you know my name. and in your love, everything will change. tell me it won't always be this hard. I am nothing without you, but I don't know who you are.


The two hours slip by too quickly. Once, she stares out and asks the small crowd if we were familiar with her music and which songs would we like for her to perform. She seems stunned by the avalanche of requests--we may have been small in number, but devoted. She manages to play all of our favorites, many of them as solos, others joined with the haunting cello and the souring violin. Each song is introduced with a small insight into the writing process, the inspiration behind the lyrics.

Lullaby (my request) is her encore, followed by an a cappella performance of a Chinese lullaby. As she stands away from the spotlights, without a microphone, it doesn't matter that the words are in a language that I don't understand--I feel comfort, as if I found my home here.

I approach Vienna after the show, as she stands by the little stand of merchandise (my plans of buying the CD and getting her autograph are lost after discovering that I was seven dollars short in cash), conversing with the patrons. I try not to be a celebrity seeker, but I can't resist the opportunity to express how much her music has meant to me. She hugs me , and I leave the music club, slightly heady at the experience.

The street is even more deserted as I make my way to my little car, wrapping my jacket closer. But there is music running through my head, and, at least for a little while, I have forgotten the loneliness.
jcd1013: (OTP by boosette)
It's kinda pathetic when the best music station on the radio is the local NPR station. They seem to be the only one who's playing something besides hiphop or punk or bubblegum pop or worse, 80s music. I listen to NPR every morning on my way to work, so I discovered quite inadvertently that every night, they host "Cafe Tonight" where they feature local artists, plus a wide variety of alternative, acousitc bands. Just my type.

For example, tonight, through "Cafe Tonight", I discovered that Carbon Leaf released a new album on Sept. 12th (yes, i squeed) and already I'm in love with it. Especially "Under the Wire." Too bad it's not on iTunes yet... I can't decide whether I should wait to see if iTunes picks it up or just buy it on Amazon.

Carbon Leaf also played tonight in Chicago. I may have been tempted to tackle the big city had I known. Instead, I did have a good evening, hanging out with a couple of other interns. I'm trying to get a social life, so I'll have something to talk about when I call people or update LJ. I guess talking about my patients gets a little wearisome after a while.
jcd1013: (LOST-serenade by bluesuzanne)
I missed out on my chance to try for the iTunes billionth giveaway. I thought they still have 25,000 songs to go--I refreshed the countdown page, and it was over. :(

To rub salt in the wounds, iTunes then sent me my bill of the $37 that I had spent to just get one of the sub-prizes with no luck. I suppose I must console myself with the great music. I did end up sticking to mostly tried and true--I found some Loreena McKennitt songs (and since I felt guilty because all of the music that I have of hers is from CDs borrowed from the library, I had to get the few that I don't have), Rob Thomas, and Vienna Teng.

It's still disappointing. I was having such nice dreams of the 20" iMac, surrounded by black and white iPods...
jcd1013: (LOTR-Frodo crying by sweet100x100)
I'm trying to avoid going to bed for just a while longer, so that I might sleep all night long, so hence another post. I think having a computer connection and being back to my lovely Flower iMac has made me a posting fiend. :) Four whole posts in one day! I'm insane!

I've been rather introspective due to everything that has been happening. As first year medical students, we took a class called "Physical Diagnosis" (it's the class that I helped teach this past December), where you learn to do a physical exam, but more importantly, you learn how to conduct an interview and how to talk to patients (which really uses different communication skills than just carrying on between two friends or acquaintances). One of the first lessons was how important physical touch and sympathy were to establishing the rapport and caring between the patient and doctor--that illness affects us all and to be able to show concern is the best way to develop the relationship. At the end of the week, we had to perform an interview with standardized patient. I still remember the patient I had -- an older woman, coming in to get some sleeping pills, where I discovered that her husband had died only a few weeks previously. I remember sitting there, trying to think of something to say, wondering how you could comfort somebody with such an acute loss, and feeling like an absolute failure.

I'm not sure that it has gotten easier since then. I've gotten better at placing my hand on a knee, leaning forward, holding patients' hands after they found out that they might have cancer or some other horrible diagnosis, but the right words to say still seem to stick in my mouth. "I'm sorry" seems trite (and half the time followed up with "it's not your fault", which aggravates me to the point of grinding teeth.) At least the sympathy, which felt so fake during the first year (oh yeah, they were ACTORS. It was fake), is real and sincere now, and I care very deeply about my patients and all of their problems, but it doesn't change that uncomfortable feeling of intruding.

I think I'm worse with my friends. That's not to say that I'm a fairweather friend who disappears with the first sign of trouble, but that I feel like an absolute idiot in trying to comfort. It's strange too; everybody seems to know how to comfort me, but that might be because I'm pretty simple that way--hug me tight, let me cry and rant, and I'm good to go. Honestly, I think this is the one area where having a male friend is more difficult, because I communicate my sympathies and pain at their heartache through touch, and Chris is not a touchy kind of guy.

I've been trying to be the best friend I can be through all of this, but it's been hard. I distracted him with two hours of looking at pictures ("Lions. And more lions. And look, another picture of lions.") and discussion of his trip to Thailand and our trip to Mexico (!!! - I was worried when I suggested tagging along, but he seems as excited by the idea as I am. And it will be our last time together for who knows how long.), but the conversation still seemed to wind back to the unmentionable, and I felt so lost as to what to say. I feel so much for him, but I can never find the words for it.

So a question... what are some of the best methods/words that you've found to comfort a friend? And in times of personal loss, what are some things that others have done/said that have made things if not better, then tolerable? I know that some of you have gone through incredibly hard times, and I'd really love some advice on how to be a better sympathizer and friend.
jcd1013: (Ewan nerdy by encrypticons)
I rarely do memes, but when you get one that is just so accurate... well, I couldn't resist.

<td align="center"> julia --
[adjective]:

Pretentiously academian

'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com</td>


(And yes, I'm posting a ton today. I've been away from fast internet for a month! Deal. ;) )

I'm not doing very well with the timing of the purchasing of music, if the on-line counter is anything to go by. I'm either under or over by at least 2000 songs. And since I've purchased more than $30 of music, I think this could turn pretty dangerous. There's a reason that I don't gamble!
jcd1013: (eva by heart by me)
After years of sleep deprivation and learning to fall asleep whenever I can (thank you med school!), I scoffed at the idea that I would be affected by jet-lag. My transition to Kenya time (which is in the same time zone as Moscow, Russia. How amazing is that??) was so smooth--I took my Ambien and slept like a log. I had a few days of some mild sleepiness for a few hours, but it passed very quickly.

I crashed mentally, absolutely exhausted, at around 5 pm yesterday (around 3 am in Kenya) and it was all I could do to keep myself awake until 10 (of course, I then got involved in checking my email so I didn't actually go to bed until 11--addicted? moi?)... and woke up promptly at 5. The funny thing, is that the times really aren't corresponding to my sleep cycle in Africa, so I'm not sure what's happening.

I've been spending the morning surfing iTunes, because I'm bound and determined to be at least one of the 100,000 download winners (http://www.apple.com/itunes/1billion/) and since I only found out about it this morning, I have only a few chances left. I'm now the proud owner of the "Rob Thomas - iTunes Originals Album" and have been swooning listening to Rob talk about making sweet music all morning. I own 114 songs sung by Rob in one band or another. That tops Eva Cassidy (84), Loreena McKennitt (63), Fisher (61), and Carbon Leaf (51). Rob is not the most populous artist on my playlist, however. At 162 songs, Alan Parsons takes that award. :)

I have been out of the music world for quite some time, and I'm running out of ideas of songs to purchase (not to mention money). Suggestions of songs that I must, must have? New or old, it doesn't matter. I just want a chance at a black nano!

Music meme

Aug. 20th, 2005 02:23 am
jcd1013: (C&H-Journal by fritzhertzheinz)
I am doing a real post, but for the moment:

Name six songs that you are currently digging ... it doesn't matter what genre they are from, whether they have words or even if they're any good but they must be songs you're really enjoying right now. Post these instructions and then list the six artists and the songs in your LiveJournal.

(I can never obey instructions--what fun is just listing the songs? Explanations and downloads )
jcd1013: (Default)
Work is boring me to death right now. After the excitement and bustle of the ICU, working in the outpatient clinics, seeing a patient an hour, and finding out way too much information about people's bowel movements is driving me nuts. On the plus side, I'm only working about 3 hours a day. On the minus side, I'm only working about 3 hours a day, and am not in the slightest motivated to put the other hours of the day to good use, ie, studying for the exam that I hafta do really well on. And I'm really piling on the miles on my poor widdle car.

Big clinical exam (ie, practical, hands on with practice patients) on Monday. 8 "patients", 4 hours. 15 minute visits, 10 minutes to write it up. My kind of fun. Yeah. Not looking forward to that one.

But the time off has left me time to do meme's like this one...

Tagged by Becka! )

I know I'm probably missing a dozen of the songs that I've been "digging", but eh, I'm going to bed.

*waves*

Sep. 29th, 2004 11:02 pm
jcd1013: (Default)
Just popping in to say I'm alive and well.

I changed rotations, finished with Internal Medicine last week. I was so sad to see it go, because I had such a great time. It's definitely on the list of career possibilities--however, I have another 6 weeks of it next spring, so I'll hold off until then to make my decision. It has everything that I like--the patient interaction, getting to see neat cases (I saw a guy with mercury poisoning... it was so cool!) that I've only read about in textbooks, making medical decisions, the integration of all different fields...

So, now I'm radiology.... and I miss Internal Medicine even more. I decided to postpone my surgery rotation because of the problems with my shoulder and so I'm doing a 4th year elective. I'm the only third year--and because of that, I have the residents convinced that I'm a gunner and going into radiology. One resident practically told me that I HAD to get honors. I don't like having that kind of pressure. I like to do a good job, I'm trying to do a good job, but please don't expect me to blow you away!

It's been *interesting* so far. Everyday, I go to work, where I sit in a darkened room and stare at a computer screen trying to differentiate between grey blobs. I have 4 hours of lecture of day, where I sit in a darkened room staring at a Power Point presentation, trying to differentiate between grey blobs. I have fallen asleep at every noon lecture. And I was 45 minutes late today, because I could not make myself care enough to get there in time to just fall asleep, when I could be having much better sleep in my own bed.

No, it's going better than the first day (I seriously thought I was going to die), and it certainly is more enjoyable now that I can identify a few more grey blobs (I'm getting good at the pancreas!), so we'll see. Maybe I'll be singing it's praises by the end. :)

I've just been taking it easy for the last few days... I went to the library and got fiction books for the first time since at least May (stayed up way too late last night reading Sorcery and Cecelia by Patricia Wrede... maybe that's why I'm tired?), and Ellie [livejournal.com profile] shirerain and I spent a couple of days playing around with my layout journal, which I lovelovelove. All of the pretty colors is because of her. The painting is by James C Christensen, who is one of my favorite artists of all times. All of his paintings are whimsical and breathtaking and for a moment, convince me that I do believe in magic. And he puts flying fish in half of his art too, can you get any cooler?

Toodles!

Pssst.... If any of you have not checked out [livejournal.com profile] teh_music, may I suggest that you hie there immediately? I've gotten such great music that I have not been able to get my hands on... *contented sigh*

tally

Jul. 19th, 2004 09:59 pm
jcd1013: (Default)
The count so far: ~~2 tubal ligations (one that I almost passed out on... the very last stitch too, so it wasn't like the surgery got to me. It was murderously hot in that room and the gowns are even more stifling. Luckily, I got away before I tipped over and contaminated the patient. Yep, I'm sure the doc was highly impressed.)

~~7 c/sections. I mostly blot with little clothes and try not to 1-contaminate myself (check), 2- suction at the wrong time, risking damaging internal organs (check, but everything was fine), 3-staple crooked (check, and check again), 4-get in the way(oh, yep, done that many times too). Yeah, I'm a fool in the operating room... And I keep coming back for more. I almost got to see twins, had to scrub out right before they were delivered. (sigh). Maybe this week.

~~6 births, three of them that I delivered myself. With help, of course, but it was awesome. today's was probably the best--the doctor let me do pretty much everything. It was a girl.

Have I mentioned recently how much I love this job? Seriously. I don't mind taking call. I don't mind spending long hours there, because it's fun.

There's been some hard parts too. Little premie babies who are so young and fragile, it just makes you hurt. I hate that part, and talking to the parents whose lives completely changed in only a few short hours.

I still hate getting up at 5. :P Which means I have to go to bed now.



P.S. Does anybody have a copy of the song "Vindicated" from the Spiderman 2 soundtrack? Lovelove that song, and I would, as I usually do, buy it through iTunes, but for some reason, the only way you can get the song is to buy the whole album... And thank you, but no. I really don't like the Train song and the theme just gets old. If someone has it and could somehow email/IM/post it for me, I'd love you forever. Just comment, and we can make arrangement.

*smoochies to friends out there in cyberspace* Love you guys.

Ponderings

Jan. 19th, 2004 12:40 am
jcd1013: (Default)
See the pretty icon [livejournal.com profile] shirerain made for me? I'm so excited!! Loreena McKennitt... how much I love her songs and this one is my favorite (iTunes tells me that I've listened to it 70 times (and that's just since I ripped it back in September.)) I never know how to describe how I feel listening to it... It's almost this feeling like a fairy tale has come true--something magical and mystical and beautiful revealed in my soul. There are times when I almost can believe in elves and fairies...

Lyrics to 'Dante's Prayer' )

Recently, I've felt so choked on the realism of school and life that it was nice to have that reminder of the beauty and love in this world. My feet aren't just clay, they are cement and I had forgotten that I had wings.

I'm truly enjoying this medium, of posting and reading the thoughts of so many people across the world. So, tonight, a special thank you to the people who through their written word have become friends... In such a sort time, you have enriched my life and for that, you are loved.

Okay, I'm stopping now before I become too sappy.
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