jcd1013: (M*A*S*H-friendship by nentari)
Did I tell you all about the latest development in my life? No, well guess what? I had a very sweet man propose marriage to me.

He's 91. Do you think the age difference might be too troublesome?

This is why I love being at the VA. There's the perks of he slower pace of life, and men constantly telling you that you're pretty. Flattery, my friends, is a heady thing. (Don't worry, it was very quickly tempered by being called nurse after introducing myself as Dr. D****** every single morning. Bah).

My patients, for the most part, are sweet and genuinely thankful for the care that they receive. It's like watching Miss Manners in action, why she preaches on minding your manners and saying please and thank you. Because they are more appreciative, I have more satisfaction about my job, and while I might not provide any different care in the way that I work them up or think about their issues or provide medicines, because I'm happier, they perceive that they are getting better care, so they in turn are happier, which makes me happier...

And it's nice sleeping a little on call. Last night, I was in bed a little after midnight. My pager went off once at 6 am and I woke up at 7. That's 7 hours of sleep. Granted, I was waking myself up every hour to make sure that I hadn't overslept a page, but it was still rest and sleep, more than I get at the Big Hospital down the road.

And can I just say how much I love my cointerns?? I work with some fantastic, humorous, smart, fabulous people and I can't imagine how more difficult this would be without them in my life. Someday, I'll share the stories, someday. See, sleep makes me a big softie. :)

*****
I really can't figure out the fascination with MySpace. Ads sprinkle every page, which have clashing, difficult to read color schemes. Loud, annoying music blares whenever you, poor sap, make the mistake of clicking on someone's profile. And I have yet to figure out the allure of adding "comments" to each other profile, which basically turn into instant messaging tag teams, and if you happen to be a stalker a curious bystander, you have to click on all of those profiles to get the whole story.

But I have run into some old friends of mine. A classmate from high school who's now a nurse, a fellow Access girl who just completed medical school, Sam and her husband and her sister and her mom (*g* Sam, we should just give it up and become blood sisters. We practically are.), a college roommate of my sister's, etc. And today, one of my medical school classmates... who actually moved out here with his wife to do residency. Besides the month that I worked with Ann in the ER, I've barely seen her or Aaron. We live approximately 10 miles apart and it takes a webpage to reconnect us. Yep, that's the technological world we live in.

OTOH, it is because of technology and the wonderful invention of cell phones that I had a fantastic call last night from Kenya. :) That's one way to brighten up a call night.
jcd1013: (Everwood-Perfect day Hannah by me)
The year of 2006 is now dead, settled into his grave, as the New Year now takes over reign. But, as is my nature, I could hardly let him go without a eulogy.

Highlights, month by month (with pictures! Lots and lots and lots of pictures) )

The New Year started much as the last one faded away... with going to working and being at the hospital. Cardiology wards--promises to be even more fun and stress.

A Happy New Year to all of my friends. I am so eternally grateful that you have decided to share your lives with me. With your friendship, your love and support, I am enriched and blessed.

*hugs*

ETA: Don't ask me why some of the pictures are different sizes. I didn't do it! And if you're reading this and are one of the featured, and don't want to be, let me know. I'm sure I can dig up lots of monkeys and baboons to use instead. (j/k).
jcd1013: (XF - Memento mori hug by ladydisdain)
Dear LJ

I am really, really getting tired of losing my pretty layout and settings. Sure it comes back eventually, but there's a reason that I pay to have my pretty Anne picture as a header and the soft blues and greens that go so well together, because I like them better.

Fix it. I don't care how. Or I will be making demands for repayment.

No love,
Julia

~*~

Dear CW network

You are morons. I hope you go bankrupted in two months. I will not be watching.

No love,
Julia

~*~

Dear Everwood

Can it be? You and I only have two more weeks together? *mourns* I shall miss you with your warm humor and delightful characters. However, may I offer one bit of advice? Perhaps if you didn't have a cancer scare, a subdural hematoma that required surgical intervention (although injured!Bright was adorable), and a heart attack in one episode, we might be having a longer relationship together? Much as I love you, that was a little over the top. And I DON'T want to be crying at the finale, so everybody had better be alive and off to happy-ever-after-land, you got it?

Much love,
Julia


*****
From [livejournal.com profile] juno_magic:

Name ten of life's simple pleasures that you like most (actually these will just be the 10 pleasures that strike me right now).


(I decided to forego the 6 facts about me, because I've been plugging away on the "100 random facts about me" meme that went around months ago and I don't think I could come up with 106 different things about me!)

The simple pleasures (in good ol' Late Show countdown fashion) )

I'm doing much better today than yesterday. Yesterday was spent in tears (my contacts were well moisturized), and while there's still this ache around my heart that clenches tightly whenever I remember, things continue on much as they did before. Things will be okay. I have survived long-distance friendships; some (like Sam and I) actually grew stronger and thrived through the distance.


*****
Thank you sooo much, all of you, for the congratulations. I've been too busy to properly acknowledge them (besides graduation, I've had a wedding to go to and 60+ surveys to do data entry for), but they warmed my heart and made me giddy. I still can't wrap my mind around the fact that I have just gained two initials (or a new salutary address). Four years seemed like plenty of time to learn everything that I needed to now--now, I wish that med school was really 8 years long!

Graduation was a lovely affair, a truly fitting end to the four years of schooling.

Graduation details - cut to be nice )

All in all, it was a wonderful day, just the graduation celebration that I was wanting and needing. I did feel bad for the other people who graduated from the School of Medicine--those with their MPH or PhDs in oncology--they were very much overlooked in the ceremony.
jcd1013: (Default)
It's official.

I am Dr. Julia D---, Julia D, M.D. I even have the diploma to prove it.

I'll write more later and tell the stories. Right now, I'm way too tired to even think in full sentences.

But wow. I can't believe that it's happened.
jcd1013: (Default)
Oh, the Comfort
The Inexpressible comfort of feeling
Safe with a person
Having neither to Weight Thoughts not Measure Words
But pouring them all right out
Just as they are
Certain that a faithful hand will take and
Sift them
And with a Breath of Kindness
Blow the rest Away

~Dinah M. Craik~


To get ready for the family invasion that will happen tomorrow, I've been trying to clean my apartment, which as always has turned into a massive project, since I'm trying to make it a "packing adventure" as well. It's ugly and painful and I don't know when I'm going to get it all done.

I've been going through all of my papers, which since I'm a pack rat is basically everything except for school notes since college--bills, bills, random reminders, med school orientation stuff. Most of it is junk (I've already filled three garbage bags of just paper), but there have been some forgotten gems that I've lingered over.

The best part is that I've discovered all of the letters and cards and wedding announcements sent to me over the years. Mission letters from AnnaJune, Michelle and Liz. Random letters that Sam would write when she was bored in her law school classes, decorated with whatever doodles came to her mind. The exchanges back and forth by Susan and I during church, written on whatever scraps of paper we could locate (we were so bad!). The emails between Chris and I on our different trips--he in Ghana, me in Guatemala, me in Africa. Cards and postcards for every occasion from Donna. The epistles (in every sense of the word) from Brooke, detailing in old-fashioned prose the adventures of her life.

When my best friend Susan got married four and a half years ago, I went through a similar period as what I'm feeling now. We had been best friends since starting college, and had been roommates for just a few months--the same time frame that she had been dating her future husband. That summer, our friendship suffered. I've never spent so much time in tears. Every evening, after everyone had gone to bed, I would sit on my porch and cry for my loss. I was feeling neglected and lonely and completely at loss as to how our friendship would survive. One day, about six weeks prior to the wedding, I came home discouraged, opened up the door to my room and found myself in a white cloud. Susan had taken all of her left over wedding invitations and had hung them up all over our room, so that they brushed my cheek and hair as I walked in. It was a cheesy gesture (I'm sure you're all groaning), but it meant the world to me, to know that she truly loved me. Today, I found all of the invitations and the string that I had saved from that day, with scraps from her wedding dress, and those memories came flooding back.

It put last night into perspective. Because while I fret and worry and dread the upcoming changes, I am surrounded by people who love me, who have been my faithful friends for many a year, whose love and affection will be with me always. There will be people that tomorrow will be the last that I ever see them and that will be okay, but there will be many more who somehow will remain an indelible part of my life and whose warmth and love I will never forget.

When I get into the pits of despair again, as I am sure that although I am resolved now to remember and focus on the happiness in my life, I will likely sink into the "woe is me" attitude again, perhaps this will be reminder of how blessed I truly am.
jcd1013: (Default)
The paper, my friends, is finished. It wasn't a pretty paper--I rambled too much towards the end to get it to the page requirements, but at this point, I don't care. It's done and that's what's important.

This means that I have successfully just completed medical school. I wish I had a functioning brain cell left to celebrate.

whee

May. 14th, 2006 08:35 pm
jcd1013: (Default)
I have the introduction, methods, and results all done! And my abstract is half done, leaving me only that and the discussion to do! I just might be able to get this done tonight!!!

rip off

May. 9th, 2006 11:06 pm
jcd1013: (Default)
They're charging me a $100 freaking dollars for my stupid yearbook. One Hundred Dollars!

I just spent over $100 dollars today on getting announcements!!! $65 dollars for my oh-so-beautiful gown and cap. And now this.

From an email, back in December "Finally, in order to decrease the final cost of the yearbook, we are selling ad space." Um, folks, THIS AIN"T A DECREASED PRICE!!! I've done yearbooks before, the entire gamut. I've sat in darkened little rooms and mixed chemicals. I've sat underneath basketball rims to get the perfect shot. I've cropped and chopped and played with layouts until I was seeing square shapes in my dream. And I've gone out and begged for money to put in ads. All I know, is that it didn't cost us this much for my entire high school, which was approximately the same size as my med school class.

ARGH!


****
On a side note. I did start watching the Gilmore Girls finale, but left for dinner with some friends. Anybody want to tell me what happens in the last 10-15 minutes? I think the last I saw was when Rory surprised Logan with the London party. I'm not sure that I really care, more for just idle curiousity.


***
Instead of working on my paper today (yes, I'm very very bad), I went through and updated/completed all of my tagging on my past entries. There's still some cleanup that I need to do, entries that are still missing labels and I need to figure out someway to override the "tag" page (http://jcd1013.livejournal.com/tag) to make it more readable, but I haven't figured out to do that. Hmm. I do feel somewhat accomplished though. Sorting through emails, now arranging LJ entries--go me!

I have therapy and a doctor's appointment check tomorrow. I have to get them to sign a clean bill of health for residency. I should have done this a month ago, but oh well.


***
Word of the Day: assuage: to make less intense or severe, to pacify, to satisfy. Use it well, my friends, use it well.

Julia out.

breakdown

Apr. 25th, 2006 12:49 am
jcd1013: (Default)
Had the breakdown of the century this evening. Believe me, it wasn't pretty.

But everything just got to me, the stress, the papers that were due that I hadn't been able to write more than an introduction on ALL DAY LONG, the limited sleep, feeling neglected and extremely lonely, even though Chris was sitting next to me, typing away on his paper. And on and on, until I couldn't take it anymore and broke into tears, blubbering about everything that I had to do, how I was freaked out about surgery, etc. Poor Chris. I haven't been the funnest person to work with over the last little while--I have discovered that whatever talent I had for writing papers in college has long since disappeared, which makes me feel even more frustrated--and I must have really freaked him out today.

After a hug (does wool shrink with tears? How do those poor sheep manage?!), a little bit of a nap and an inclusion in a dinner invitation (which had been that little straw), everything perked up and I was able to finish my paper--10 minutes past the deadline. Doh! But at least it's done and one more thing I can cross of my "To Do Before Surgery" list. The list is still massive and I have no idea how I'll get it all done tomorrow, but I think most of the other stuff can be pushed off, if necessary. Except the haircut. That has jumped to the top of the list. *scowls at nappy hair*

But tonight, I'll sleep in a real bed and sleep in until 9... It sounds almost too good to be true.

Night!

*screams*

Apr. 23rd, 2006 11:10 pm
jcd1013: (Default)
I don't think there's a male creature on this earth right now that I don't loathe.

Even [livejournal.com profile] claidheamhmor is not entirely exempt because the tea he and [livejournal.com profile] melancthe sent me hasn't come yet. Okay, since he did send me the tea, which is a very nice and wonderful gesture, he's excused from my wrath. :) (*hugs Claymore* Sorry for the generalization!) But the mailman ain't.

I'm tired. I'm tired of writing papers. I'm tired of getting blamed whenever something goes wrong. I'm tired of cold silences and angry sighs. I'm tired of lousy PC laptops that make me always look like the moron who breaks things and worse, delete most of what I've written. I'm tired of feeling like an idiot. I'm tired of feeling like I'm the week-old leftovers.

He's just making me mad. I had forgotten how much we tend to grate on each other when we're working day after day after day. Most of the time, it's great--we do work well together, we do, and I would be royally screwed at this point without his help. But then there are other times... And I'm such a passive person in arguments that I can't voice my explanations/disagreements and I just end up seething. I'm just torn right now--torn because in some way I need a break, we need a break, and yet... This is it. In two weeks, he's gone. I don't worry about losing my other friends, mostly because I know that the ties of the Plethora have stayed strong over 9 years and they just aren't breaking. But I worry about him. I've never understood exactly why he was my friend to begin with, even after three years, I still wonder. And I can't get over this fear that I'm going to leave for residency, he's going to breath a big sigh of relief and that's going to be it.

I'm freaking out about my surgery this week. I have no idea if I've made the right decision and have been so busy that I haven't had a chance to analyze it. I don't know if it's just going to make things worse, if I should just suck it up and deal with the pain, or if it really is as I felt earlier that it was something that needed to happen now before I got into residency.

I have to get back to my paper. It's going to be yet another all nighter. *cries*
jcd1013: (Spike Grr-arg by iconifer)
I'm tired of sleeping on couches.


Particularly too short couches...


Which seeing as I'm short myself, is a really small couch.


Particularly when I'm awoken in the morning by a large, spastic dog jumping on me and licking me.

Particularly, when I don't even get to fall asleep on said couch until 3 in the morning...


And wake up again before 8...


Or sometimes before 7.


Particularly when said couch is lumpy and makes my shoulder hurt more.

****
I just have to make it through this week. This week and weekend and I'll be virtually done. But until then I have two papers, a test, a 10 hour day of lecture and another test/skill exam. And administer the survey that FINALLY (today) got IRB approval. And write the paper about that project. And the powerpoint. And help Chris edit his four papers.

And after all that is done, I get to reward myself with surgery on my shoulder and an overnight stay in the hospital and a month + where I can't drive.

*sigh*

People have asked me how I feel about graduating. I haven't even had time to think about it. Or moving. Right now, it's surviving a day at a time.


*hugs to everyone in flist land and Plethorites* I miss you guys. I miss having a life. :( Drop a line, say hi, tell me what you've been up to. I'm sure by now, you're all producing grandkids...

boring busy

Apr. 6th, 2006 10:58 pm
jcd1013: (Default)
(Warning, this is like the boringest update in the world. Seriously, you'd be better off if you go look at the articles about Jessica Simpson becoming a Baywatch babe. Really. Because that's entertainment!)


Life is good. I don't think I've written that in a while. Makes a nice change. :)

I've been really busy. As I said, the boring kind of busy, but it's been nice. I finished my genetics rotation (did I even mention that I was doing a genetics rotation), which was really enjoyable. At one time, that was the career that I was thinking about, becoming a pediatric geneticist. And while it was fun, it was nice discovering that that wasn't the career for me. Good thing--that would not have been a nice discovery to make right before I started my residency in a completely different field.

The past two weeks I've been working on my "PCP", my last paper/research project that I have to do to graduate. I've changed my project three times, but this last one I've been really excited about, and there's a chance that I'll get published with it (the biggest motivator to get a student to do something--lure them with promise of seeing their name in an obscure journal). The best part is that I'm actually working with Chris on it--it was a project that one of his public health professors had suggested that he do and when I was complaining that all of my ideas were fizzling into nothing, he was good enough to let me join in. It's been a blast working with him again--it's like we're back in second year, the good old times. We work really well together, always have, and things between us are finally, finally getting back to normal. We're talking about everything and laughing and, well, having my friend back makes me very happy. We had tea today, at my favorite tea shop, and worked on our papers--and when we get bored, switched and worked on each others. :) It was a great afternoon, until he got a ticket on his car, but otherwise, I couldn't have asked for a better way to spend a snowy afternoon.

It's still hard to grasp that I'm graduating in six weeks. Six weeks. It really hasn't hit me, mostly because I've been in this "go go go" mode and just seem to be going from one short-term goal to the next. This week, it's finishing this questionnaire, writing a proposal so that it'll be approved for administration. Next week is starting of classes again (ugh. All day long too), learning wilderness survival (hmm, maybe that was the class that I needed to take before my safaris!) and personal doctor's appointments. The next week is more certification for residency.

And then comes the weeks that I've been dreading. I think I'm going to have to have surgery before the end of this month. I've been pushing it off, but my shoulder has been giving me problems and I don't think it will last through all five years of residency. I hate this, the fact that I have spent virutally every bit of vacation since starting college having surgery, but I'd rather not face the alternative. One day, one day, the surgeries will be over and I can quit collecting scars like postal stamps. That would be nice.

Ellie and I have started on our Letter Game! I'm so excited. I got the task of writing the first letter, and therefore creating the characters and the world that our game would take place in. Of course, I had to pick a time that I know next to nothing about--the Celtic world, around 500-600 CE. So if anybody out there happens to be an expert, let me know. :) Google can only tell me so much.

It snowed here. About a foot up in the foothills, 5-6 inches in the valley. I knew it was going to happen. My beautiful magnolia blossoms had just opened and looked so pretty and pink--which was a sure sign that a freeze was coming. It's happened every year, every year. The poor things just don't do well in this climate. I love spring storms though, they're probably my favorites. The snow is wet, with huge flakes and love the contrasts of colors and white. It's not quite as cold and one can hold on to the promise of warmth much easier than in the dead of February.

I think I've pretty much decided to hold off buying a house until after I move and get settled in Milwaukee a little. I don't know the area very well (i.e. at all), and I want to not feel rushed in my decision on the house--it's a huge commitment and I want to be happy with my place. Plus, with surgery, I won't be able to drive for several weeks and that makes house-hunting difficult. So, I'm looking for an apartment instead, one with a month-to-month lease, and after a few months, I'll make the decision then.

I'm sitting here watching them award Steve Martin win the 2005 Mark Twain prize. It's actually pretty humerous. I can't say that I've really considered myself a huge Steve Martin fan, but I gotta hand it to the guy--thirty years in the business and he's still going strong.

I've rambled long enough and probably should get to bed. :) Night all.

boredom

Feb. 27th, 2006 01:46 pm
jcd1013: (First Impressions by proverbial_icons)
I probably should actually use this thing to update on my life.

The sad thing is that nothing is going on right now. I came home from Kenya in the middle of the rotation blocks, so have had nothing to do. It's been nice having a break, really and I find ways to use my time, but it doesn't lend to a lot to talk about. I had intended on taking a literature class that sounds fascinating: "The Doctor-Patient Relationship Through Literature" and had actually signed up for it, but it started before I came home and with the President's Holiday, they decided that I couldn't get credit for only going to 4 days of class. Worse is the fact that I can't drop it, since the rotation already started, so I'm actually getting a failing grade. For something that I wanted to do. It doesn't matter--I'm matched and I'll still be graduating just fine, but it's a little on the frustrating side.

So, I'm starting a new rotation today... or at least I'm supposed to. Registered the end of last week, didn't hear about any details (where and what time to meet, etc), which made me a little worried, but I am a slacker right now and didn't follow up with it until this morning. Found one phone number, it was wrong. I was interviewing potential medical students this morning, so after that finished, I finally tracked down the right number--only to discover that they had been expecting me in clinic at 8 this morning. It's always nice giving such a good impression on the first day.

The good news is that I got ahold of the attending with whom I will be working and clinic is over for the morning and she's out of town tomorrow, so I'm not starting until Wednesday. Sweet! And it sounds like that there are many people working in the clinics which will spread the workload and make things a little easier. I've definitely hit the "end of the year" slump in motivation and just want to do enough to get me graduated and that's it.

I have been spending the week developing my culinary skills. My friend got a cook book (Rachel Ray's 365: No Repeats - a New York Times bestseller, I'll have you know) for Christmas and insisted I buy one as well, so we could try different recipes and share our successes. So, I've made Rosemary Orange Pork Chops with Lemoned Asparagus, Basil and Spinach Chicken Burgers, and last time Pesto Mustard Chicken, which was very yummy. They're supposed to take only a half hour to make--but I'm a slow chopper and I forget the recipe and so am constantly consulting it, so it ends up taking more like an hour or more. It's been okay; I've had nothing better to do. Today, I think I'm try the Bacon and Egg Stuffed bread. I really love cooking with fresh herbs, though; believe me, I could gush for hours about the wonderfulness that is fresh cilantro. That's one thing that I've decided about my new place--while I don't want a garden, it must have place where I can grow a few herb plants (I think I could probably manage to remember to water them). I get absolutely giddy at just the thought of having my own rosemary to pick!

I really should clean my room. I tackled the living room and kitchen when I came home, but the room is a disaster and I haven't wanted to touch it. Last night, however, I knocked over a box of potpourri and this morning, printing off applicant information set up a Goldberg pandemonium that only worsened the general state of things.
jcd1013: (Hands of a Healer by fileg)
I didn't do a "last day of the year" or "year in review" post like I had intended. But then I haven't sent out my Christmas cards yet, and I still plan on doing that. Maybe for Human Rights Day or Valentine's Day (if you want a Christmas card for a random holiday, drop me an email at jcd1013@yahoo.com and I'll send one to you...eventually). BTW, while I'm actually remembering AND sitting in front of my computer, thanks so much for all of the cards, guys! They really brightened up my dreary mailbox.

My New Year's was really nice and mellow. It was down-pouring here all night, which dampened any desire for revelry. Instead, I went over to Liz's with other friends and we all drank hot chocolate and cider, watched X-Men, and put puzzles together. A pair of our friends has this Renoir painting that is one of the most challenging puzzles I've ever done. After 3 hours of work, we maybe had put together 50 pieces. But it shall not conquer!

I've started teaching this week. Yep, you read right! I'm teaching 1st year medical students how to do a physical exam and conduct a patient interview. I love it. One of the first things that I had decided, long before choosing a specialty, was that I wanted to stay in academics and have the chance to teach medical students. It's rather awe-inspiring to teach my 6 first years and realized that that was me, just three years ago. I often feel like I know nothing now; especially after 9 draining hours of examinations--but I've learned an incredible amount in medical school. I know for example, the exact format of the interview (chief complaint, history of present illness, past medical history, medications, allergies, family history, social history, review of systems), without even trying. I know what questions to ask to understand recent headaches, diarrhea, diabetes, etc. I know where to place my stethoscope and what I'm listening for. You don't want me to be your doctor, but it's a process and I'm not as standstill as I thought.

Maybe there is a chance that someday, I will be a real doctor. :)

I submit my Match list sometime in the next 7 days for residency, which has me completely worried and stressed out. Have I told you all about The Match (to be said in a voice of foreboding doom) yet? Basically, this is how my future place of residence and my job is determined. I've interviewed at all of the various schools, and now, I decide which schools I would want to go to. I submit a list (paper, because neurology seems completely clueless about technology), with my choices ranked. The schools submit their list, with all of the people that they would want as residents ranked and wherever the highest choice matches, that's where I go. On January 26th, I will know where I will be spending the next 5 years of my life. Four tiny weeks away. I'm trying not to think about it.

In the meantime, I have to sort through all of my conflicting feelings and old and mushy impressions of the different schools to figure out my preferences. It's a lot of pressure and I'm feeling very torn. I'm freaking out about moving away. By myself. From all of my family and friends that I've been with for nine years. To a place that, because of my busy schedule, will be lonely. I'm comfortable here (which is probably the number one reason I should go), and it's been hard to completely convince myself to uproot myself, especially when my school here was willing to create my special combination program just for me because they loved me so much.

Well, my school just made that part of the decision easier. I got an email last week--after excited emailing everybody after I got back how Indiana was willing to share copies of the paperwork that they had submitted to create their program--with the overall message of "Julia, we don't think we can get the paperwork done in time. Please look elsewhere." It crushed me and really put me in a despondent mood, which I think I'm only now started to get myself out of. I'm not a very confident person on a good day and having your one "foolproof-you're-at-least-getting-in-there" school back out damaged my already blue spirits.

So now, I'm back to square one and seven days to make up my mind. I'll be posting some of my impressions, strengths, weaknesses of the places that I visited over the next couple of days (hopefully with pictures!), to help me sort out the confusion. If you'd rather not read my ramblings on this, let me know, and I'll make them private. I suppose it's more for my benefit, but my travel journals were rather sparse on details, so if you do want to know... It's up to you.

Ack! It's almost 2 and I need to be up early so I can go be a school marm again! What am I doing!!!

***P.S. Thanks again to everybody for their words of compassion and support last week. Knowing that you are all here for me transformed my spirits. I do know that I will never be alone when I have such good friends out there who are thinking about me.

Once more

Dec. 21st, 2005 01:12 am
jcd1013: (Eeyore by angeleyesjg24)
I had thought that my entry back home after the last of my interviews would be one of introspection, pros and cons lists of all the programs, description of my visit with Susan, etc.

But I wasn't prepared for the catastrophe that awaited me here.

A little back story. Way back when, the Dean's Office emailed me in a panic, stating that I had to register for my next part of my Boards, aka STEP 2 CK, before Dec 31st or woe, gloom and doom, would befall me. I had planned on taking it the last week in December for a while, and got on to register... only to find out that the only available date to take it was Dec. 20th. So I registered to take it then, dropped a class to fit in an accelerated study schedule, but I wasn't very happy about it. And by the end of November, I was freaked out--there was no way with all of the interviews that I would be anywhere near ready.

About two and a half weeks ago, I was searching through and discovered to my excitement that someone had changed their schedule, and the test was available on the 28th of Dec instead. Perfect. So I rescheduled the exam, with a couple of clicks of a button.

Or so I thought.

Today, I had the thought that maybe, maybe Dec. 31st might be available (who wants to take it on News Years Eve?? Only crazy procrastinators like me), because any extra days of studying would be great now.

And I kept getting error messages. My scheduling number didn't work. The confirmation number said that the test date had passed. And I couldn't find an email that stated that the exam had been rescheduled.

Yeah, you guess the story. Somehow, the scheduling changes didn't go through, and I missed the exam that I was scheduled to take today.

I panicked. Big time. I went up to the Dean's Office, where of course everybody was gone (in their defense there has been a nasty cold/flu going around that I probably caught just by going up there). I managed to find someone, and between the sobs and hysterics (I don't do well with life-ruining stress at all), managed to find a number to talk to someone. I can't do anything for forty-eight hours--I can't check and see if there are places/times available for me to even try to reschedule. Plus, I have to pay a "rescheduling fee" for missing the test, and if no places are available by the 31st, I have to pay an "extension fee" as well.

I have no idea if things are fixed (I almost put that in quotation marks as well), but I'm tired of worrying about it. I've done what I can. I've talked to everybody, called the big important people, and all of that. There's a chance now that I won't match with a residency, because apparently, the Dean's Office tells them on Match Day whether or not I've passed the test (wow, that would have been nice to know six months ago!!!) and they can back out if I haven't. All for something that wasn't my fault.

I'm in better spirits now than I was earlier (I guess The Legend of Zorro was good for something after all!), but I'm still ready to go to bed and just start over tomorrow. Because it can't be as bad, can it?
jcd1013: (Spike Grr-arg by iconifer)
Well, my personal statement is finished. Mostly. I'm stuck (of course) on the last unifying sentence. I've emailed those who volunteered before to read/edit it, but if anybody out there in friendland has some time tonight/early tomorrow and would be willing to look over it/correct grammar mistakes/give ideas on how to conclude without sounding like I'm repeating myself, please comment with your email address and I'll send it on. Believe me, I'll love you forever. If you need my first born as compensation--consider it yours.

Now all I have to do is transfer my CV to the application, get my photo taken, and track down the letter of application that the Student Affairs office lost (yes, you read that right--they lost ANOTHER letter. I'm so pissed I'm seeing red. Every day, I find more of the incompetence to amaze me), and bug letter writer #3 to finish his by midafternoon and I'll be set. I think.

The best part? This is only one of the two applications that I have to do. I really wish I hadn't gotten so far behind, but there wasn't much that I could do (then or now). *sigh* Maybe by this weekend, I'll have my life again.
jcd1013: (Everwood-Like Never Before by me)
I missed all but the last fifteen minutes of Everwood. Including the welcome home scene and kiss. :( :( :(

My patient tried very hard to die on me today, and completely freaked me out. And my resident who overlooks me had the day off. So it was just me, trying to figure out what in the world I'd even do. Luckily, I pounced on one of the other residents and he shouted out orders and everything turned out okay (I think), but it really started my day out on a stressful note and didn't change all day.

I have stories to share, gripes to make, but I am so freaking exhausted that I'm calling it an early night and hitting the sack.

:) Night all.
jcd1013: (Default)
Still hating the applications. Only more.

I've been really hoping that I'd be able to mail them off on Thursday, with overnight delivery, so that they'd be received by Friday. Well. I've only got one letter (that I know of because the Student Affairs office is run by a bunch of moronic idiots (and that's not redundant, because believe me, they deserve every adjective of the sort I can provide) and the person who's SOLE job for the entire year is to open up the little envelopes and put them in files and email us when we've received a letter ... is gone on vacation. That's right. And apparently, there's not a single other person in the 20 people employed who can do it either. So they just pile up, and up. Did I tell you that they lost my letter last week? Yeah. So feeling the love).... Anyway, I'm waiting for the other two. I apparently have to get a new picture to send in. And the essay is still only 300 words, when it should be closer to 900 by this time. I've got ideas, and I really like the first 300 words, but... I work best under stress, right?

*sigh*

I started a new rotation today, my "sub-intership" in internal medicine where I basically function as an intern, only my resident has to cosign everything I do. It's already kicking my butt-- I am so over my head. In three months, I've forgotten everything--and I'm expected to know a lot more by this point too. It took me six hours (yes, you read that right) to see one patient, write up his history and physical (H&P), discuss it with the chief resident (whom I stunned with my absolutely lac of EKG reading skills), write up the admit orders, cross out and add to my assessment/plan, discuss with the attending physician, make more orders, find resident so he can sign orders, dictate H&P, remember that I had forgotten most important order of all, add on order, talk to patient again about his home medication, add on that order, find resident again to sign orders, and finally, sign out patient to the cross-covering intern. Six hours. So much for my early afternoon that I had counted on.

My resident does happen to be one of my absolute favorite residents in the entire world--seriously, I nominated him for teaching awards because he was fantastic and half the reason that I'm thinking crazy thoughts about doing two residencies. I am crazy. Out of my freaking mind. I really hope that the end of these four weeks doesn't change his opinion about me.

On a funny note... [livejournal.com profile] claidheamhmor, I had a dream about you. Or actually you and your wife, whom the only picture I've seen is her little user picture that she uses when she responds to you. I dreamed that you and your family were coming to the United States to move here, but your wife was coming early to scoop out the places that you wanted to visit. So I took her to see the Grand Canyon and a little cabin on the side of the cliffs that she decided that she wanted to live in. But it was flood season and she was worried that your picture was going to get wet. So the rest of the dream, I spent coming up with ideas to keep that pic dry and move it from one location to another--going all over the country, in fact. Weird, yes, I know. I don't think that Freud would even know what to make of my dreams. I think this is the first time that I've dreamt of my lj friends!

Ahoy!

Sep. 20th, 2005 12:27 am
jcd1013: (Default)
Arrr, maties, tis ye ol' sea wench, hear to remind ye, that this day dar be "Talk Like a Pirate Day", so ye scum bett'r be a'growlin'. Best ya smartly visit this here site and learn'd you Piratey lessons or risk bein' a lubber.

:)

Just an excuse to post really, but I'm so glad that I actually caught it this year!

Things are going better. With Chris's help of connecting me to the right secretary (never underestimate the power of an excellent secretary) and much groveling, begging forgiveness and promising to not let my responsibilities slip again, I managed to salvage (I think) my letter of recommendation. I have a bad feeling that it won't be so full of praise and gushings as it would have been a week ago, but I'm settling for what I can get. Hopefully, it'll be enough.

I had an excellent weekend. Friday night was the annual All-School Picnic. Hard to believe that I've now attended my last picnic-- I felt old there, the old model about to be phased out. I didn't have any interest in meeting the first years, when in years past, I had a great time meeting new people. I did have an unexpected encounter with a particular crush, which, as always, occurred when I was not prepared for even the possibility, and therefore left me feeling awkward, unsocial, unattractive, and blah. And yes, since I am now in full denial mode and have imagined it away, we're keeping it vague. But you can probably all figure out who anyway (and the picture below should have left no doubt!) Bah.

I spent much of the rest of the weekend with Chris. After not seeing him for more than about an hour for weeks, it was like old times and I just had a great time. I've really missed my friend. His life is more and more drifting away from mine--I found out that he's moving in with his fiancee and future in-laws in a week, something that he neglected to tell me--and in just a few short months, we're going to be thousands of miles apart. So we hung out with friends Friday night after the picnic (and managed to avoid talking about medicine for two and a half hours! A record!) and went shopping together at the outdoor store garage sale (I bought a tent! Whee!) and went to two movies on Saturday, Just Like Heaven (very cute. Sappy of course, and the medical parts of it made me groan, but I was a sucker for it) and An Unfinished Life (which would have been greatly improved by the absence of JLo. And Ellie [livejournal.com profile] shirerain: Your boy was in it! Of course he played the wife-beater villain and had a sneer on his face much of the time, but I can see a little why you like him. :) Damian looks a little like Seth Green. Hopefully this will mean that there will be more pics around of him for you!). It was such a blast and just what I needed to recharge my batteries a little.

It's my last week on Peds Neuro. I've really enjoyed working with the kids, but it has confirmed my decision that Peds is not for me. I love working with the kids (except when they're 3 and stubborn and won't touch your finger when you ask them too!), but the parents can be quite overwhelming (it's funny how different people can get when they're seeking medical help for their kids rather than themselves), and I've had some heartbreaking cases with some pretty sick kids. So it's adults for me.

And lastly, your opinion... picture quiz! )

*sigh* I think I may have carried this fascination with picturing me as Anne a little too far, don't you think? And worse, I don't think that my conscious brain was even aware of it. Gah.

And by the way the latest pic of me )

Night all. *HUGS*
jcd1013: (Default)
I've just screwed up my entire life plans.

Go me!

I give up, I just give up.
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