jcd1013: (Default)
I love having a little more free time. I've been done at work most days by 2 pm. That's like, 4 hours of daylight that I get to experience, people! The sun! Comes out during the day! Amazing. I've been to the gym this week, took care of some clinic stuff (*ignores the something like 25 clinic visits that still need completion*), and managed to waste a whole bunch more of it.

Wanna see what else I've done? [livejournal.com profile] jcd1013. Go on, click. I'll wait for you to ooh and aww.

I know, I know, it's super, super girly (I promise that it's more green than pink). But I love it. I had to learn all of the code (it's been way too long since I did anything resembling webdesign, and I never really learned it properly then either), and I made more mistakes and flubs than you can imagine. At one time, the journal repeated itself 3 times; that was a fun one to figure out. But, if you'll notice, I now have a drop down link list, a random Anne quote generator (keep refreshing the page, it's fun), a entry separator, a quick reply text box, a pretty header, 2 sidebars, etc, etc.

The Anne series (books and movies) have always been my series. Since a young girl, I've aspired to be Anne, and there's something about the stories that is a haven of comfort, even now. So, Anne it'll be.

I've still got some tweaks that I want to do, namely rearranging my links and custom filters and uploading more user pics (I've had some of them for almost 5 years now. It's really hard to part!). And I foresee that it'll take some time getting used to the links that are now on the side of the journal.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on it! Even if it is that I have to get rid of the pink.
jcd1013: (M*A*S*H - party)
Most of these were written solely for Windows. I'm glad to finally get to participate!

Who comments the most on this journal? )

We're a talkative bunch here! [livejournal.com profile] shirerain you need to start commenting again, or you're going to lose your top spot. Plus I miss you.

And thus ends my LJ spamming. I'm really going to bed now.
jcd1013: (Default)
It was my four year LJ anniversary last week. Wow, time goes by fast. Just yesterday, I was primping for my first "date", choosing my words ever so carefully, wondering if LJ and I would forge a lasting relationship. We drifted apart those first few months, time creating a wedge, but slowly, I was drawn back to LJ's charisma and listening ear and we've been steady every since. *smooches LJ*

Linen, btw, is the traditional gift for the 4 year anniversary. Or flowers. I would accept both from my adoring readers.

On a related note, permanent accounts go on sale tomorrow. Each time, I'm tempted and then talk myself out of it. I calculated it out. Between my paid account and my user pics, I've easily spent more than $150 dollars in my 4 years here. I could, you know, go back to the basic account, with a basic layout and 3 user pics, but uh, I'm kinda addicted. It's my place. My friends are here. My life is preserved here. But then there's that "forever commitment" that putting down the money entails. And what if one day, LJ and I part our separate ways, that we no longer have anything in common and all we do is bicker? And what if I decide that 138 userpics isn't nearly enough to express myself and I go looking for greener pasture.

Or maybe I'm just a commitment phobe. :) Maybe LJ and I should just run off together into the sunset, and I should just stop worrying what the next day or year or lifetime will bring?

Decisions. So many decisions. My mind would be eased with flowers....


Mar. 14th, 2007 11:01 pm
jcd1013: (Doctor Who - Favorite hug by Ali)
I spent my day off... updating my journal design.

Well not entirely. I did apply for my temporary license where I had to vow with my soul and with blood (okay, with just a notary public) that I was telling the truth and the whole truth that I spent 5 weeks after graduation last year lazing around and moving, instead of doing medical stuff (because heaven forbid I should ever take some personal time and not let TPTB know).

I've been wanting to revamp the journal for a long, long time. My beloved Anne layout had been used for over a year, and I just kept looking at it, longing for something better. It's nowhere near what I want (I gotta figure out how to customize Flexible Squares), but it's a new pretty background that makes me happy. I had really thought about doing a non-fandom layout, but I couldn't resist. It was so bright and cheery.

Tell me how it looks for y'all. Not too fuzzy? Doesn't take too long to load? No white areas? Color okay?

In other news, my patient survived and is doing better. So I'm sleeping better and not being haunted by dreams.

I've lately discovered that iTunes is now carrying Pod casts of several of my favorite NPR radio shows, namely "Wait Wait, Don't Tell Me" and "News from Lake Wobegon" (wish it was the entire show of A Prairie Home Companion) and StarDate that have been satisfying my inner nerd. Today, I discovered that they are also carrying another Garrison Keillor program, "The Writer's Almanac." I remember listening to this every morning as my parents got ready for school. Plus, I discovered that they have the transcripts online, so I'm very excited at the prospect of introducing some poetry into my daily life again. I've missed that.

And lastly, for at least my amusement: Conversation at work yesterday....

MED STUDENT: Yeah, so {patient} thought that Julia and I were twin sisters. I guess we could be fraternal twins.

ME: That would have been one long gestation period!

MS: I'm 24, how old are you?

ME: *pause* *pause some more* Um. I don't know. Either 27 or 28. I think I'm 27. Wait. No, I'm 27. I think. I had my birthday in November and I'm pretty sure I turned 27. Or maybe it was 28.

MS: You don't know how old you are??

Yes, it's true folks, until yesterday, I didn't know how old I am. Let it be known, that I am officially (according to the computer because I had to look it up on google before I would believe it) 28 years old. In just over a year and a half, I will be 30. Hmmm. I wonder when I'll ever start acting my age.
jcd1013: (Anne -Trouble by eponine119)
I haven't posted much this last month, have I?

It's been a hard month in ways that have been difficult to put down on paper (er, virtual paper). Work has been overwhelming, in many ways. New hospital, new system, new attendings, new colleagues, and new service, as I've been working as a neurology resident this month, rather than medicine. Calls have been hard. Every fourth night, up all night, getting paged on three different pagers all at the same time over and over and over. Having an extremely busy service, which means less time to study and learn, so that I felt even more stupid than usual. Being 2 years since my last neurology rotation, so even though once upon a time, I actually knew this stuff inside and out, it's gone now.

My first call night, I seriously reconsidered my decision to do neurology and internal medicine. Hated neuro, loathed the call, but I survived it.

I've had that thought a half dozen times now, and it hasn't necessarily been a light hearted "I wonder if" kinda of thought. It's been the "I wonder if I go and talk to the director, I can get out of this" kind of thought. It's probably due to exhaustion. But I'm facing a 5 year stent of exhaustion and if I can't handle the first months...

I've persevered and have decided that I definitely need more exposure (and rotations with a different resident, because I think my senior resident tainted my perspective) before really making the decision. But it's never a good thing to find yourself in the middle of a life crisis--in the middle of responsibilities with no place to run.

And I don't mean to suggest that all is bad. Far from it, I've had some excellent days. I have great patients right now and I've discovered that I still love wokring in the ICU and the ICU especially seems like the perfect place to combine neuro and medicine in the ways that I want... It's more the thought of surviving the neuro residency which is much more overwhelming than I thought it was going to be. I was on call last night... we admitted 4 patients, had 3 consults (other services wanting our opinion on their patients), saw another patient and transferred them to another service, and admitted another to the NICU (neuro ICU). On top of this, I was taking calls from patients of the neuro attendings (who don't have a freaking answering service, so it's the extremely ignorant interns like myself who are fending calls on very complex patients), and managing the 30 or so patients on the floor and ICU. I'm getting more used to it, and I had an excellent resident to work with, who really made my workload easier. But I still filled up 2 of the 3 pagers, one of them I had to clean off twice.

Next month will be better. I'll be solely in the NICU (part of the problem with this month is that the first part of the month I spent in the ICU and the second part I've been on the general neuro team. And they both require some adjustment!), and I won't be taking call. AND, I have most weekends off. AND I have a week of vacation (9 days straight). Maybe that's why I keep thinking it's September, because, I really, really, really want it to be.

On a completely different subject...

I'm really in the mood for a layout change to my LJ. After seeing [livejournal.com profile] juno_magic's incredible lovely layout, mine has looked blah and uninteresting. But I don't have time to (re)learn the CSS code and play with it, or design the background (still wanting Anne, just don't know which one. Collage of Anne and Diana? Pretty PEI pictures? Mushy Anne/Gilbert? Autumn themed to get me in the mood?), which leaves me in this state of perpetual longing and frustration that I can't figure it out. *sigh* Maybe that will be one of my vacation goals.

My raspberry bush is getting a second batch of fruit! Yay! I had fresh raspberries every day for the month of July, I hope that this batch last as long. Have I mentioned that it was the raspberry bush that convinced me that this place was supposed to be mine? It is such a delight to go out and pick the berries and plop them in my mouth--and then smile condescending to the poor saps in the grocery store who are paying $4 a carton for not as good berries (of course, when you think of it, I paid a LOT more for the privilege of mine, but I think there are other perks with my purchase. :) ) Next year, I'll be planting strawberries, I do hope they do as well.

Anybody out there who has a webcam? And uses a PC? I'm trying to see if iChat will allow me to webcam with someone who isn't using iChat, but still is on AIM. If you do and would be willing to experiment, let me know. Chris is talking about getting one and I gotta make sure that if he did, I could actually talk with him.

I'm needing a new computer. My dear Flower Power iMAc has been a faithful companion for five years now, but I've filled up just about all of the memory and she is starting to creak--I can't burn CDs any more, except at a snail's pace, web browsing is slow, etc. It's also becoming an issue of incompatibility--the Internal Medicine dept. gave me a Pocket PC that is virtually useless, because I can't get it to synch with my computer and unfortunately, the hospital is all PC based, and so I haven't been able to access some programs that I had hoped to. I've been strongly tempted to get a MacBookPro, which would solve all of those issues with the duel boot capabilities, but it's so expensive and I'd be saving my pennies for a long time before I could afford it. A little iBook I could get now and would for the most part do just great. Decisions, decisions.

And I think that's the end of the update with my boring little life. Hope all is going well with you. I've missed my interactions with you, the little chats and mingling of our lives. You are all in my thoughts.

Online Friendship

The true friends who we meet online
are a very special kind
They pierce your shields and see within
the corners of your mind
They're always there when you're in need
with their power to discern
They feel your pain...........they offer hope
and genuine concern
We bare our souls, expose our hearts
and show our inner fears
and then before you know it
the keyboard's stained with tears
And if we could see them through that screen
then no one could deny
that to be a TRUE online friend
they too must surely cry.

~Author Unknown~

(A wee bit sappy, but I had to share. And the sentiments apply to my RL friends, which I hope they know.)
jcd1013: (Eva - Me)
(Typed yesterday. Apparently all it took was connecting his internet to my computer. Sometimes I amaze myself.)

I am an extremely private person.

Those of you who have been reading this journal might be surprised to hear that, seeing as I am usually open and excessively verbose on this forum, but it's true. Two and a half years ago, when I started this journal, I never foresaw that I would use it in such a way. At first, this was a place where I could update my faithful readers on the progress of my stories, or rant about not getting reviews, or expound on events in the world. Quickly, that mutated and became my actual journal--the place where I recorded my daily events and inner thoughts--things that I actually wasn't telling friends in real life.

In conversation, I'm more than likely to start asking questions to my partner, and I rarely volunteer information (you'll find that's true if you IM with me as well!). You ask, I'm more than willing to answer (and then I talk too much!) -- but you have to ask first. Part of it's probably leftover from high school damage, the other is probably my personal psychological issues. I'm not really an introvert because I love being around people and I can usually charm anybody and expound on any issue. But I don't talk about my current crushes, my dating life, my frustrations and insecurity--unless it's 3 o'clock in the morning when I'm weak and vulnerable--then I'll spill all of my secrets. (That's why, besides the religious/spiritual reasons, that I will never touch alcohol. If sleepiness can make me so inhibited, I hate to think what alcohol would do). In college, Susan got me to talk, Sam and Liz can once in a while, but otherwise, I'm pretty close-lipped--I don't even tell Chris half of what I say here!

Talking to the "outside world" has been different. This LJ has really allowed me to open up and be myself completely. As much as I care about all of you in friendlist land, I still don't have to see your faces, your reactions after you read my entries, and that makes it easier, a little less personal. I can still pretend that I'm writing to myself in my private little journal, while getting the gratification of response and insight from other people--who don't personally know who I'm talking about. And I can indulge myself in my gushings about fandom related stuff - something that I really try to rein in with real conversations for the sanity of all. It's been perfect, I've made close friends, developed my writing skills, and found the vent that I needed.

Why am I saying all of this? Becka and I were talking yesterday about courage, taking chances and being open.--she's been an amazing role model for that. I still can't go up to any current crushes and demand that they notice me, but I did decide to make one very big, courageous (and completely unrelated) move for me.

My friends had been bugging me to tell them about all of my interviews and trips--and every time I opened up an email window, I froze. I couldn't figure out how to say what I wanted to say--even though I had already said it here. It seemed so mechanical to write "and then I did this, and I decided this." I thought about cutting and pasting from LJ--but so much of what's been going on has been a process that it would have been a really really long email!

So for the first time, I made my entries public (for the time being. It makes me nervous being completely exposed to the crazies out there) ... and I told my real life friends about my blog and pointed them all here.

Plethora, dear friends of mine, welcome to the ramblings and insights of Julia. I'm really nervous about this, much like if I had handed over my personal diary and read over your shoulder, watching your reactions. I hope you're not too offended with me for keeping this from you. Feel free to make yourself at home--comment if you like, say hi to everyone else, get an LJ so I can make you legitimate and friend you properly. In some ways, I think I may have to ignore your presence until I get used to this--don't take it personally, it's just going to take me some time to adjust.

(More stories to come, including the excitement of 12 standardized patients in 6 hours plus 30 minutes for a "light meal" and another 15 minutes of break, where they threw away my cookie. Meanies. But I think I passed.)
jcd1013: (Default)
I love my flist. I really really do.

I know you guys are wanting the whole scoop on what's happened, but I'm not able to find the words to describe the whole depth of the problem. Let's just say that messing up chances for a letter of recommendation because of her stupidity, finding out that the other letter is somewhere in limbo and she's got only a few days to find it (and nobody's responding to emails), and realizing that she didn't have a back up plan for anything, put Julia in a depressive funk that she hasn't seen since the summer of 2001.

Right now, I'm scrambling to pick up pieces, eating humble pie and literally begging people to help me fix this. It's not fun, and I've been in tears for the past two nights, knowing that I brought this on myself. One mistake brought the whole pile down...

On a positive note, I ran into my "arch nemesis" today, and we had our only friendly conversation in the last two years, since the infamous cafeteria blowup. It reminded me that at one time we were friends.... It was nice, and it gave me a niggle of hope.

And side note: Tay ([livejournal.com profile] fileg), have you been having problems responding to a journal? I've had difficulty once I click on, say an LJ-cut, and read the entry itself--it's like my browser doesn't recognize the HTML. No problems if I click to respond on my friends page view. Similar problems with you?
jcd1013: (Joseph Campbell Bliss by Fileg)
Yes, if I was a lemming, I'd jump off the cliff too--we'd have such a great time on the fall down!

Comment and I'll tell you something I adore about you.
Afterwards, copy and paste this into your own journal.

Anybody, even if you feel like we don't know much about each other yet... There are reasons that you're on my flist.

ETA: Ran out of time tonight. Will continue tomorrow, so if I haven't gotten to you, be patient!
jcd1013: (Default)
I'm the first one on my flist to do this!

User Picture collage )

Real entry coming up soon, I promise. ;)
jcd1013: (Default)
I am truly fascinated by this thing called the Internet...

Today, I was wasting time (my favorite past-time) exploring LJ looking for some Star Trek: Voyager icons (unfortunately good ones seem to be a particularly rare species) and just started clicking on links taking me to different people's journals.

It's astonishing how much people reveal of their lives... some blatantly, others in obscure threads throughout their posts. I mean, granted I talk a lot about my personal life--but a good portion of it is put into friend posts--where I can control who sees it.

What's more amazing is that some of them don't seem bothered by the fact that they have 500 people that they don't know reading and commenting on their day to day lives... Take for example [livejournal.com profile] epicyclical. I stumbled onto her journal because it's the personal/HP LJ of the woman who wrote the hilarious "Very Secret Diaries of LOTR." Her "friends of" list has 2706 people!!

I like it that people are so honest with strangers. It makes me feel good about this world--that (at least when there's some anonymity) we do allow others to see exactly who we are. I find it fascinating.

On that note: how many of you have RL people reading your journal? Does it make you write different things than you normally would?

A particular gem from http://www.thisfish.com. Her motto is the best:
It's lovely to be a feminist and all. I have gotten in plenty a tizzy over the inequity of the female role in this bizarre universe. Have even tried out the independent, "A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle" track, and been quite good at it. Eventually, however, I settled upon this conclusion:

This fish needs a bicycle.

If not for comfort, at least for entertainment's sake.

I think I am such a fish too...


(Since I seem to need updating before I ever get an entry posted)

Spent the evening in tears.

Now, now, don't get worried. I wasn't (entirely) depressed or heart-broken. In fact, I paid money for these tears.

I just saw Howard Shore conduct his Lord of the Rings Symphony!! With a full choir and children's choir. A young soprano male with the voice of an angel. And a background of the art and sketches of Alan Lee and John Howe.

I got emotional walking into the hall (a big feat for me actually--am terrified of building and I went alone) where a small group of musicians performed the Fellowship theme. And it just got better from there. It was amazing seeing it "live"--the artwork was amazing and part of it felt like this must have been when HS was first writing it--just going off the artists' ideas.

Got teary during the sweet Shire music. Cried during the Fellowship themes. And openly bawled during Into The West. Wearing mascara was not the best idea. Looked like raccoon.

Only one complaint: it was too short!
jcd1013: (Default)
This is probably silly of me...

I was just thinking about my journal and the online friends that I have and it struck me... Most of you, I have no idea what you look like! It is strange, how the internet works, how we make close relationships, where we can talk about our interests in common and life in general, and yet we have no face to put to this other person on the other end. What does it do to our relationships? Are we more open with the faceless? With no fear of recognizing this other person in the real world, I can see how that might be true. Are we afraid that we will have to change our labels of people once we have a face? That they might not be the image of who we imagined them to be? I don't know.

And then I wondered if you wondered what I looked like too.. So, silly me, I posted a few pics on the web for your viewing pleasure. I'm making this a friends' only entry, hopefully to keep out the weirdo stalkers... Both of the pics are now a few years old. I have a bad habit of never finishing a roll of film. I wear contacts more now and less makeup...

-- My best friend was getting married, and I was feeling left out (yeah, the whole thing was hard on me) so the two of us went out and took "pseudo-engagement" photos of the two of us. to celebrate the event and our friendship. Blame the fuzzy pic on her fiancé.. he took them

-- Um, yeah. Not the most flattering pic of me, but it's not like this is a dating thing or anything. It makes me laugh.

And if any of you are brave or willing, I'd love to see what you look like too... You can send pics directly to me at jcd1013@dsdf.org. I promise I won't use them as blackmail. :)
jcd1013: (pic#)
Gee, I feel as nervous as if I was on a date (oh, how would I know--my memory of my last date doesn't go back that far, but go with me here). I've spent all this time preparing my LJ page, so that it looked nice and pretty, and now I'm sitting around, wondering if my "date" will show up. Well, in any case, I've enjoyed this.

Although LJ could make it a lot easier on their customers if they put a HTML color wheel on their page so I didn't have to go track one down. Thank the stars for dogpile (my favorite search engine).

Events of the day: made spring rolls for lunch with mom. Tried sauteing the shrimp with ginger--a little strong (less next time), but very good. Wrapped in rice paper with red leaf lettuce, cucumber, shredded carrots, mint leaves and cilantro, dipped in soy sauce. Very flavorful. Much better with the peanut sauce though.

Worked on Chapter 6 and 7 of my Gilmore Girl story, Like Never Before. Still not sure about the name change, heck I keep calling it Life is for Learning, one of the many that I went through. I prefer Songbird, but I've gotten so few reviews that I'm hoping the name change will induce some more comment. I shouldn't feel too bad about it--those who have read it have honestly loved it, so I can't feel too self-conscious, but seriously, when I see all of those unbearable stories out with with poor grammar and missing plots and fake characters and they have 200 reviews, I get a little jealous. So if you want to make me happy, go read my stories at http://www.fanfiction.net/profile.php?userid=219204 and review.

Chapter 6 is coming along well. I just have scene left (out of a three scene chapter, I guess that's not saying much). I've been hung up on some of the descriptions. Only I would care enough about trying to get the description of a restaurant that I've never been to absolutely perfect. Oh, I hope to finish it tomorrow.

FF.net finally up and working again. Finally I can catch up on some of my favorites. Holly Gilmore updated both of her stories, "Previously on Gilmore Girls" and "This Feeling That Remains," (GG)

Pick out my engagement ring this morning. After setting up my account at theknot.com, with Daffy Duck as the groom, I decided that I hated all of their choices of rings and went and explored for my own. I'm seriously considering a three diamond ring with a purple diamond in the center, crowned by two clear, and amethyst along both sides. Had no idea until today that there were such things as purple diamond. I really like the light ones--good thing, they're the cheapest, eh? So, I have the ring, I have the dress. Now, I just need the guy. One who's very understanding of my purple devotion. :)

LOTR link for the moment: http://www.lordoftherings.net. They finally have new pictures for ROTK up!! Woohoo! Okay, so they've been up for a month, I've just been busy. I really wish they'd coming out with the trailer already. (grumble, grumble). My LOTR group has been silent recently. Will need to look around for more things to discuss.
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